Eclectic Ramblings

Tennis, premenstrual blues and perhaps throwing caution to the wind?

2012-01-29T20:40:00.000-08:00

The Nadal v Djokovic finals match of the Australian Open was, to put it lightly, equivalent to a mini heart attack. And God knows I don't take those things lightly after I suffered from tachycardia last year at the gym. However, the result was highly unsatisfactory for me. It took me a long time to take a liking to Rafael Nadal, because I was and still am a hardcore fan of Roger Federer, but I sincerely doubt I will ever take a liking to Novak Djokovic. Actually, I am a hundred percent certain I never will. There's no denying that the guy is a fabulously talented tennis player, hence his number 1 ranking, but he just rubs me up the wrong way. It could be the arrogance, or the bad manners (which, I have to admit has gotten better over time) but, as they say, first impressions last and my first impressions of Djokovic have left a bad taste in my mouth that continues to linger. Anyway, kudos to "Nole". I guess he did deserve to win after all that amazing tennis he played, but it doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.

So I've just been through one of the most emo weeks I've experienced in a while. And why? Because it's my time of the month. I swear that my hormones have this penchant for ruining a perfectly carefree existence for 1 week of every month. It is seriously irritating. I turn into this big emotional monster, and I don't even know why. I mean, I do know why, but there's no tangible reasoning behind it. It's just the damn hormones. And it's all pre-menstrual. Once my period finally arrives, everything pretty much goes back to normal, but until then...the worst week of my life, honestly. And during that week, I spent even more money on shoes and clothing. I get all my parcels forwarded to work now, and we generally get the same delivery guys assigned to each area. I just received two pairs of shoes today, and the delivery guys asks my work colleague who signed for it (because I was out at lunch at the time) whether my name was Imelda. Lol, I have such a reputation for being a fashionista these days, it's not funny. I put it down to being half a shoe size smaller and going down 2 dress sizes - fashion is just much more fun when you're the right body size.

In other news, I kind of feel like I want to tell the guy I'm seeing that I like him a little more than I originally thought. I'm still pondering on whether I should go out on a limb and wear my heart on my sleeve. In reality, it wouldn't really hurt for me to admit my feelings because what have I got to lose, really? Besides really great sex, probably the best sex I've had in my life but, to be brutally honest, even the best sex in the world would have its limits with me. Why? Because the only reason a guy has the ability to make me feel good is because I feel an emotional connection with him - in short, I have to like him as a person. If I don't, I know from personal experience that there is very little he can do about giving me physical pleasure even if he had the status of being a sex god. As a lover, my feelings of satisfaction correlate very strongly with my emotional and mental connections with the person I am sleeping with. That's just me, it could be a lot of other people. So, seeing as how this guy is blowing my mind and rocking my world...well, it would seem that I like him. A lot. We'll see how I go with my confession. Maybe I'll just do it so I can say I took a chance, and if it fails then at least no one can say I didn't try.

I want a coooooooool rider...d'oh!

2012-01-20T01:29:00.000-08:00

Oh my God. It's compulsion, I swear it is. That, and the fact I watched Girl With the Dragon Tattoo last week and happened to think Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander looked awesome (although I would never want that hairstyle or all those piercings myself in reality). But the bad ass biker girl look? Hell yeah. It might also have something to do with the fact that toy boy is also a bad ass biker. Who knows? ASOS...you are the devil!!! But such a lovely devil you are...

Lookie what I just purchased (again!). And it was on sale!!!

Yeah, I know that's no excuse when I'm actually meant to be saving my money...

It's the last thing for this month, I promise...(well, I hope so anyway :)

Miss KG Farrell Biker Boots

Image courtesy of ASOS.com

Money can't buy me love...but it sure as hell makes me feel better!

2012-01-19T16:31:00.000-08:00

When I'm feeling a bit down, there are a few ways I cheer myself up. A couple of these "remedies" are either not good for my waistline or very bad for my bank balance. And I've been indulging in both of these bad "remedies" recently, hence I've put on about 800gm (T.T) and my bank balance is significantly reduced.

I blame ASOS for my latest purchases.

No, I can't do that. They have fabulous things on offer there, and my willpower is just not strong enough sometimes. I bought two items, both leather. I've been thinking about acquiring a leather jacket for a while and they happen to be having a sale of sorts at the moment, so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity. I didn't want to spend exorbitant amounts of money, so I thought this ASOS-brand biker-style leather jacket would suit my style, and my budget, perfectly. I'm paying under $150AUD for a genuine leather jacket, what else could I ask for?

Image courtesy of ASOS.com

My second purchase was definitely inspired by my fascination for Zoe Hart's (Rachel Bilson) penchant for wearing shorts on the television show Hart of Dixie (which I am totally hooked on at the moment). Ever since I started watching Hart of Dixie, I've been mildly obsessed with tailored shorts and since it's Summer in Melbourne at the moment, it's the perfect time to be harbouring such an obsession. And I've always admired Rachel Bilson's personal style, but whoever her stylist is on the show...I am totally jelly, that is all I have to say. Definitely oozes the effortless cool of NYC chic. And so, in an effort to echo some of that fabulous style, I bought these Blackheart 'Lush' Studded Leather Shorts. Now, I have to go dig out the old fish nets, because I happen to think it's an amazing combo. These were over $200AUD RRP but I got them for just under $140AUD, and for 100% leather I think that's quite reasonable.

Image courtesy of ASOS.com

So yes, I went a teensy bit extravagant and leathered myself up. Surprisingly enough, I have absolutely no actual leather in my wardrobe. I only have one leather-look cropped jacket which I'm quite fond of but, come to think of it, I have no idea where it is at the moment. I should brave the wilderness of my extremely huge collection of clothing to find it.

And, I thought I'd just share this because I found it so cute. The guy I'm currently seeing did something for me which was unexpected and when I asked him why he said "because I wanted to make you happy" - now everybody say, "awwwwww". I've learned not to set too much store by the things that guys say, especially in passing or during intimacy, but I can still appreciate the sweetness of the moment, can't I? I'm beginning to realise that life is just a series of precious little moments that we should all learn to enjoy, cherish and remember, instead of focusing on the big bad crap all the time. As the old adage says, why worry about the things we can't control, instead let's just focus on the things we can do to make our lives better. Like NOT worry about the things we can't control. True?

Peace.

2012: Starting on a bit of a low

2012-01-14T05:40:00.000-08:00

First post of 2012.

I've been pretty lazy when it comes to blogging. I always start a new entry, save it to Drafts because I suddenly get caught up with something else, and then I forget about it for months. That's life, eh?

What's been going on? Well, I guess the most obvious thing that's happened is that the new year has finally arrived - and I expect better things from it. Although from the way things have gone already, I'm not that hopeful any more. Still, the idealistic side of me tries to keep up a positive attitude. It's either that, or fall into despair and that's just unacceptable.

One thing that won't be repeated from 2011, hopefully, is the way I develop relationships with the opposite sex. Currently, I'm involved with a person having used those now-abandoned techniques, and for the umpteenth time it's not turning out too well - according to me, anyway. This started in December, and it is now only mid-January, so I guess you could say I haven't given it enough time or even enough of a chance to go somewhere real. I feel the need to cut it off and run before I get disappointed, but at the same time I want to see where it might go. However, my need for self-preservation is almost always the dominant part of my nature these days, to the point of cruelty I'm sad to admit. We shall just have to see what happens, because only time can tell.

In other news...not much to say. Nothing has really changed around here. Except, perhaps, that 2011 has made me even more hardened than I thought I could possibly me. Still completely emotionally chaotic, and yet terribly apathetic at the same time. Not a very good omen for things to come, I have to say. But perhaps things will change as the year progresses. In reality, there are so many good things to look forward to, but it seems the negatives always bear heavier on your mind than the positives. I suppose that's the way it's always been.

All I'm really asking for is that I won't be singing the blues for the entirety of 2012. And I'm not even sure why I should, because all the hurt of the past few years has all but disappeared. What's left is this kind of emptiness...which, I guess, represents another kind of pain. I don't know. It's hard for me to feel anything properly any more, it's almost like I only get involved in things so that I CAN feel something instead of nothing.

And that's it. A pretty emo start, I know. Let's hope that as the days roll along, we'll start seeing a bit of cheerfulness seep into this jaded outlook of mine.

Peace.

Lace me up, MIISHKA!

2011-11-29T16:08:00.001-08:00

I'm not having a very good week this week. I've been feeling extremely run down. It might be partially due to the horrendous (but unsurprising) Melbourne weather on the weekend - I was caught in a deluge while out on Saturday night, and rain and I do not get along very well. Thankfully, I have not caught a cold as yet, and pray that I don't. After living here for more than 20 years, you'd think I'd be used to the calamitous weather by now, yet it still manages to shock me and incur my wrath at the same time.

To speak of more cheerful things, recently I've been making purchases from an online fashion label called MIISHKA. I made the discovery on Facebook (as usual) while hunting around for online vintage stores, and what a gem it has turned out to be. MIISHKA is owned and run by Michelle Glitman who, from my interactions with her via Facebook and email, presents herself as a delight to deal with.

This is what she says about herself and MIISHKA on her website:

"MIISHKA is my nickname and how I’m known to all my friends and family. As a Stylist and years spent working in the advertising world, coupled with a vintage fashion obsession the idea to create a place where iconic fashion from both the past and present could work to create leading cutting-edge trends, was born. MIISHKA has built a loyal fashion forward Melbourne following and a national profile which continues to grow each day. Utilising established global networks, only the highest quality new designer and vintage pieces arrive each week. MIISHKA is about affordable, one-of-a-kind fashion for the independent, unique and fun-loving girl. It’s about taking what you love from the hand-picked collection and making it work for your own style and personality. For now all pieces are sold online here with special orders always welcome.

My blog is where I share all the things that inspire and motivate me day-to-day. It is also an insight into how I source pieces from all over the world to bring to you."

I've bought a few pieces from her collection, mostly new, vintage-inspired dresses from a sample label, but also one pair of vintage overalls which I am in love with and a beautiful vintage peach lace dress which I am waiting in excited anticipation to receive. I wore a dress I purchased from MIISHKA to my work "Christmas" party a couple of weeks ago. My obsession with lace is burgeoning, as you can see!

On a sidenote, I think I'm looking pretty good these days, while also being able to eat whatever I want. I'm not hardcore about looking super toned, but as long as I maintain a sexy-enough-for-me physique and am able to wear the clothes I want then I'm happy. The guys aren't complaining anyway. Haha!

In a nutshell, MIISHKA has some beautiful clothes on offer, and Mish is a really lovely and down-to-earth lady. One of the best online shopping experiences I've had, ever.

So, what are you waiting for?

A double-edged sword

2011-11-24T16:28:00.001-08:00

A couple of things...

I got accepted into the Melbourne Juris Doctor program, which is pretty much the most prestigious law program you can get into around here. Yay.

However, I got into a fee paying place, which means I have to pay tuition upfront. And law degrees do not come cheap, no siree bob.

Also, they don't offer any study options besides full-time, so I'd have to quit my job and find part-time/casual work.

You can see why I'm in a bit of a dilemma, can't you?

I've got some things to think about and some big decisions to make.

The randomness of being random

2011-10-25T03:24:00.000-07:00

A couple of random things:

I need a haircut. Straight bangs are getting old...I think I look better with rockstar/hippy hair anyway (i.e. "I just rolled out of bed" hair).

I need to stop loving shoes so much (sh-yeah, like that's ever going to happen!)

I need to stop attracting the wrong type of guy...but I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to achieve that. I don't even know why they're attracted to me, because I'm pretty sure I don't give out "those" vibes. I'm more likely to emanate the "I'll laugh in your face if you even try" aura unless, of course, they be tickling my fancy. But some guys are persistent, I'll give them that.

I need to sort out a lot of shit that's going on in my life. But what's new?

I need to get my body sexified for Summer, which won't be too hard considering I've maintained a pretty svelte physique for at least six months. And which probably also means I will attract even more bad boys...

Wondering why, just because I lost all the weight I shouldn't have put on anyway, I'm suddenly so attractive to men in a way I never was when I was the same size, but younger. What up, yo?

I hate starting work at 7am.

I find it difficult to maintain my composure with people who take far TOO MANY liberties at work. Yo, we all like to take it easy, but it ain't cool if it's to the detriment of others.

I think I'm gonna go "blonde" this Summer...I feel like a change.

And...I need to sleep more.

Yeah, that's it.

Oh, and I seriously want to buy another pair of shoes right this minute. For no freakin' reason at all. It's compulsion, I swear it is.

Shoes, glorious shoes, what more could you ask for...?

2011-10-11T21:36:00.000-07:00

Checked out the ZU half price sale stock at Northland this weekend, and came out with these babies...

It's fortunate I am now a size 38 instead of a 39...!!! Lovin' how sexy these make my butt and legs look.

Denim platforms - perfect for Summer. Bring it on, baby!

Lovin' me some Nude shoes

2011-10-07T22:47:00.000-07:00

I love shoes. Always have, and probably always will. I used to have a love of sneakers, but lately I've been seriously obsessed with acquiring heels - the bigger the better.

One brand I'm loving at the moment is Nude. It's an Australian brand which I first discovered when I started making purchases on Styletread.com.au, and I must say they have some HOT shoes on offer.

Here's a pair that I just purchased, and which I'm already loving to bits:

I'll be debuting them at dinner with my friends tonight. I bought a pair of tiger print wedges from Nude earlier in the year, and the first compliment I got was from a GUY. And from that moment on, I was sold. Even though, of course, I also got many admiring comments from various females after the fact.

Being Australian, I'm proud to present any Australian-made or designed fashion items - hey, it means we're more fashion-forward than the rest of the world thinks. Who cares if we're not always up-to-the-minute anyway? For me, fashion isn't always about following the trends, but rather putting together an ensemble that is flattering, edgy, unique and, if possible, attention-grabbing.

Eclectic ramblings, anyone?

2011-09-13T20:22:00.000-07:00

I've taken what I coin a "mental health" week off work. Sometimes, you just need a break for the sake of having a break without actually going away on a holiday somewhere. As it stands, my current workplace is really doing my head in. I feel like I'm wasting away there because my tasks have become monotonous and they are, in no way, utilising the full potential of my intelligence.

Someone like me constantly needs to be mentally challenged, or I'm likely to stagnate and die. I already feel like I've let too much time elapse, but I said I'd stay in this job for at least twelve months so it looks better on my resume, and I've done that. It gets pretty hard to find the time and energy to search and apply for jobs, so I decided to register with an employment agency.

Yesterday, I headed into the city to have an interview with a consultant from Michael Page. They specialise in contract and temporary work in the HR area across all industries, but honestly six months contract experience in a HR position doesn't sound too bad right now. Although, of course, I would prefer a permanent job. But at this point in my life, while I'm still relatively young, temp and contract work is fine. It might actually be better suited to me right now anyway, since I'd probably like the flexibility of being able to do my own thing in terms of travelling and study, etc.

I don't want to be tied down right now anyway. I haven't reached a place in my life where I'm ready to settle down. I have so much I still want to do, and I know having certain commitments in my life will just hinder me. I love having people around me, but my spirit needs to be free. If I want to pick up and go, I want to be able to do that without having to worry about anyone else. My friends and family understand this, but a partner might not. Anyway, I haven't yet met a person who can accept me for exactly who I am and, until I do, I'm going to be a solo show. If I never do, then it doesn't bother me. Of course, people would say it's sad to be alone, but I say it's sad to have to compromise who you are for someone who can't love you, warts and all.

Relationships take work, I know that. I'm willing to meet halfway on many things, but I won't alter myself so much to the detriment of my own personal happiness and sanity. If you want people to tolerate your shit, then you better be willing to do the same for others. That is my rule of thumb. I've stopped, or rather I make a very concerted effort to stop, judging people for the things they choose to do in their life. The only time I put my foot down is when their actions or behaviour directly affects me in a negative way. I think that's only fair. Otherwise, dude, I am not here to judge you, but only love you and help you if you want and need it.

Okay, enough mental deviations for today.

2011-09-05T16:41:00.000-07:00

After months of deliberation, I finally submitted my application for the Melbourne Juris Doctor program last night which, coincidentally, was also the deadline for handing in applications.

Okay, so it wasn't coincidental. But I am the Queen of Last-minute, and I don't think I'm about to change any time soon.

I've been thinking about doing a law degree for a while, since the beginning of 2010, and I thought "what the hell?", might as well study more while I'm young and still able.

I'll be sitting the LSAT (Law School Admission Test) on October 1st. I'm actually really looking forward to doing this course, if and when I get accepted.

But, I'm not going to worry too much about it right now. I believe that if I'm meant to get in this time I will, and if I don't, it just means I'm supposed to try again at a later date.

I'm also going to apply for the RMIT JD program which has a deadline in November some time. I'd prefer to get into the Melbourne JD, because the University of Melbourne has a reputation of excellence not just here, but also internationally.

I'm not an elitist, but if I ever decide to practice beyond the bounds of Australia (which is a high probability), having a degree that is internationally recognised will be extremely helpful. I know RMIT also has international recognition, which is why I did my undergrad degree there, but Melbourne Uni being the highest-ranked tertiary institution in Australia will probably make it easier for me to get a foot in the door.

Anyway, all I can do is pray and persevere, the rest is out of my hands. I'm sure I'll get there in the end.

Hello, stranger...

2011-08-15T18:04:00.000-07:00

So I haven't updated in a while. Life, and laziness, gets in the way too much nowadays.

I guess the most pertinent piece of news I have to share is that I am now, officially, an aunt to a beautiful little angel boy. He's just over two weeks old now, and I swear that I could spend all my time just holding him and looking at him in awe and wonder. I still can't believe that the newest member of our family is here, but I am really happy that he is. And what I am most glad about is that he's brought a lot of happiness into the lives of my sister and my brother-in-law. My nephew is a long-awaited child, a miracle if I'm honest. So yes, I am now going to assume the role of the doting, "cool" aunt. It's funny how I've always kind of shied away from holding infants, especially newborns, but now I can't get enough of having a turn at cuddling this little boy. Maybe I do have some innate maternal instincts after all?

As for the the rest of my pretty uneventful life, I suppose you could say it's the same as always. I'm still employed in the same job, and will have been here for exactly a year come the end of August. And that will be the perfect time for me to seek work elsewhere because, not to toot my own horn, but I am much too educated and intelligent for the role I currently work in. I hit the ceiling for growth and development about two months into the job, and I really need to find my next challenge very soon before I start getting complacent.

In terms of relationships, that's still on the backburner. I feel like I'm not really ready to be with someone. Sometimes, in moments of particular weakness or loneliness, I feel like I want to be in a relationship. But I know it would only be for the momentary comfort, and not because I'm willing to be committed or dedicated to one person. I have been seeing someone, but it's been purely for physical satisfaction. I think I've developed feelings for him, but I don't know if they will last past the point of having constant physical closeness. We are now trying to move away from physical intimacy to friendship, and I'm not sure how that is going to work out. I'm going to attempt not to overthink things and just see where they go from here.

And that, my friends, is all I can say for myself at this point.

A new hobby

2011-05-15T05:17:00.000-07:00

I need a new hobby.

Why?

I spend way too much of my time dwelling. And now, I can't even distract myself by being a gym junkie, for reasons which are probably too personal for me to display here.

Moving on...

So, anyway, I've already decided what my new hobby will be - lomography. You can read about it here.

I hate being in front of the camera, but I am quite fond of being behind one. And this will also satisfy my artistic streak which has, sadly, been put on the backburner for quite some time now. Even my writing has suffered a huge lapse, but I am slowly getting back into the rhythm of things.

I don't know if I'm going to be any good at this lomography business, but I'm planning to conduct it with two types of cameras.

The first is a Fujifilm Instax Mini 25 camera, which is basically a remake of the good ol' Polaroid. I just purchased one from this Australian-based site: www.lofico.com.au. I'm quite excited about trying it out.

The second, which I have yet to acquire, is the Holga 120N. It's a medium format camera that has a cult following among many a photography enthusiast. I'm jumping on the bandwagon because I've been looking through countless photos taken with a Holga 120N on flickr and I'm sold on the idea.

Of course, being a complete novice, I do expect a huge learning curve here. But I've always been interested in photography, so I hope that I get past the stage of utter discouragement I know I'll go through when learning how to use this camera, and get some great results for my portfolio.

On another note: boys suck.

That's all from me.

When confusion reigns

2011-05-01T04:50:00.000-07:00

Last night I made a concerted effort to finally end things with the guy I'm seeing. I tried talking to him face to face when I last saw him on Friday night, but it was too hard so I sent him a long-winded message instead because I am much more eloquent when I have time to think about what I want to say.

Of course, having said that, I'm not cowering away from anything he might have to say to me in response to my message and that makes me different from a coward. It's just that when we're together, it's difficult for me to summon the courage to say some of the things I know I must say because they're not always pleasant things and I find it hard to deal with confrontation, especially when it involves maybe hurting a person's feelings.

Things have been a bit weird between us lately. Actually, you could say it's been weird from the very beginning. I had certain expectations about what we were, and I thought he was on the same page as me about that, but apparently it's all gotten out of control. The lines are constantly blurred, and the state of my emotions have been in turmoil about it because that's just the way I am. I hate being confused and uncertain when I believed something to be very clear. It depresses me to be in a state of confusion. And to add fuel to the fire, April hasn't been a very happy month for me for the last couple of years as it holds many bad memories, so I was even more distraught than usual.

I was feeling so low during the Easter break, like honestly I'm pretty sure I experienced a mild but true form of depression. So I decided that I finally needed to come clean about all the reasons why we're not working out, from my perspective at least. I went to see him on Friday night fully intending to just end it then and there. But I found that I lost my nerve when it came to the crunch. So instead I sought comfort in him, and he did alleviate my mood but I knew it would only be temporary, like it always is.

So, crazily enough, I stayed up until after 3am this morning typing up a thesis on my feelings about our relationship and all the things that are wrong with it. And I sent it right away before I lost my nerve, thinking that he wasn't even going to bother reading most of it anyway. And I, foolishly, thought that he would read it and say "to hell with her", considering this was meant to be purely physical and how I feel shouldn't matter much, especially when it demands something of him that goes beyond normal protocols for this kind of arrangement. Basically, I played the emotional card to make him run. But he didn't.

No, instead he needs time to think and explain something to me. Which means that my fears that he has developed some sort of weird attachment to me are actually quite real. And now I am anxiously awaiting this explanation that he's begged for me to hear. I don't want to have to deal with it. I told him he doesn't need to explain himself to me, but he's adamant he will.

I've always told myself that I shouldn't think too much into too little, but I don't think that applies in this case. I basically outlined every single feeling, detailed every single emotion, explained all the ways I'm unhappy. I pretty much said all the things a girl could say to make a guy run away if all he was seeking was sex. So why isn't he running away? I suppose I should be glad that there's a guy who's man enough to confront something most guys wouldn't. But I'm not. I just want it all to go away.

My life gets stranger and stranger.

Weight loss update: 4-months

2011-04-30T06:03:00.000-07:00

Although there are things with much more depth that I could blog about at the moment, I choose not to dwell on those issues for the present and, instead, will blog an update on my weight loss goals.

Losing weight and, more importantly, getting fit has been one of my biggest priorities since the beginning of this year. I was overweight for almost three years and in January this year I said to myself "enough is enough". Apart from looking chubby and not fitting my clothes quite right, being overweight was also making me unhealthy and tearing my self-esteem to shreds. Most of the weight gain came from taking the pill and then adopting the bad eating habits of my ex-boyfriend, who was very skinny and could get away with it.

My current weight is around 57.9kg, which is what I weighed in the last time I stepped on the scales at my gym which, I think, was the Wednesday just passed. I have indulged in a little bit of comfort eating this week, but I try to control how much I eat just about all the time now so the occasional junk food isn't too detrimental to my progress.

Most people are telling me that I shouldn't lose anymore weight, but I am still aiming for 55kg as my ideal weight. My current measurements are 34-27.5-35 and I have managed to go down to a small size 10 or even a size 8 sometimes which is almost the size I was back when I was 20-21 although back then I was more like a size 6-8.

All in all, I am quite satisfied with what I have managed to achieve. I was 65.5kg at the beginning of the year and have lost 8kg in about three months. It's not much, I know, but it's made a huge difference in my body shape.

I feel better about myself and my health, although I still do have hang ups about my weight because it's just normal for me to be like that. I used to be quite skinny when I was younger and I still thought I was too fat. I think it just boils down to how self-critical people can be. I suppose that's what keeps us trying harder all the time.

The downside of losing this much weight is that many of my clothes hang off me now. The upside is that I get an excuse to shop! On the other hand, I shouldn't be shopping too much because I'm supposed to be saving for my trip to Spain in August. Oh well, what to do? :)

So that is my achievement in my personal weight loss and fitness goals for the year. I'm hoping to reduce my body fat even more by the end of the year, however I am not going to rush it. I believe that slow and steady is the best way to get things done, and to get things done in a way that is more permanent than when utilising a quick-fix method, so I'm not in a rush. I have to allow for lifestyle and various other events that are likely to come around where eating and merriment must be indulged in.

The important thing is, I'm happy with what I've managed to achieve in the time it's taken to achieve it.

Happy Easter

2011-04-23T20:19:00.000-07:00

Wishing everyone a joyous Easter, full of the blessings of God. Have fun, stay safe and be happy.

Relief

2011-04-08T09:00:00.001-07:00

I like him. I'm never going to fall in love with him, I know that for certain now. So, I feel like this really huge burden has been lifted from off my shoulders.

Phew.

Lost because I want to be lost, don't try to find me

2011-04-01T04:27:00.000-07:00

I am doing irreparable damage to my heart and to my sanity. But, knowing this, why is it so hard for me to stop? This is a mystery that begins to elude me more and more everyday. Thankfully, I am able to maintain a stoic facade, however I can feel the chaos brewing just below the surface. My only hope is that it doesn't bubble over and spill out to cause permanent damage.

I overestimate my strength when it comes to emotional detachment. I can handle far less than I ever imagined. I am, by nature, an emotional creature, prone to getting attached quickly but, at the same time, not very quick to trust the intentions of anyone. I am truly Mary, quite contrary.

Why do I continue on this way? Perhaps because it is all a game of push and pull. First I'm being pulled in, then I'm being pushed away. And me? I play my detached role to a tee, while feeling like my heart and mind is about to burst. I suppose I find this a challenge, a battle of wills, a power play. I have always been a dominant figure in my own right, and I feel like I need to assert that in this instance. But why?

To feel like I am not the "weaker" one once again? To delude myself into thinking that I have some semblance of control over what it is we're doing? I keep asking myself these internal questions, and I have received no answers thus far. I feel like I need to talk to someone about this, someone with a completely objective view of the situation. Someone very hard for me to find in my limited circle of friends, and family is definitely not an option at this point.

I'm letting myself get carried away by the tide. I hate it and yet, curiously, I am completely addicted to the feeling.

What is love?

2011-03-30T20:01:00.000-07:00

I can be stoic and rational about a lot of things, even things that are not meant to be logical. Like love, for example. Most people who know me on a personal footing are well aware that I am an enigma. I am an emotional and romantic creature, yet I intellectualise everything I feel as if it were a maths equation. I need to find the rationale in every emotion I experience. This might have something to do with the fact that, although I do cling to my romantic ideals, I am quite mistrustful of this world we live in - in short, I am a pessimist. The experiences I've had so far, in relationships both romantic and familial, have not taught me to trust this strange thing we call love. Right now, I think that I feel "love" but then again how do I know it's really love and not just lust or infatuation due to other outlying factors? I know for a fact that I've been alone for a long time now, and maybe I am just enjoying the company and attention of a person without necessarily loving them at the same time. Sometimes, in those rare moments where I'm able to step outside my own chaotic mind and think objectively about my own actions, the truth about what I feel becomes clear. However, I can't do that often enough and, therefore, the blurring between what is and what isn't constantly confuses me. I am in the land of Catch 22. I'm sure I'll figure it all out soon, but that time can't come soon enough.

It's just a phase and I'm waiting for it to be over...

2011-03-28T17:28:00.000-07:00

Last night, I felt extraordinarily agitated about something that happened at work. It was exarcebated by the fact that a female work colleague of mine seemed to want to push the point when I was not really in the mood to deal with it at the time. Of course, it involves a certain male co-worker. I'm beginning to think that I shouldn't trust people too implicitly with information. And I'm also beginning to feel tired of the game I know we are playing here. I don't like to regret anything I've done in my life thus far, because I'd like to think that everything you go through is a life lesson and an experience earned. However, I feel a niggling of doubt about what I've involved myself in at the moment, and I think that when the doubts keep creeping up it's a signal to stop. I feel like not only am I too entangled in all this, but he has become far more entangled than even he wanted to be, and that isn't a good thing. When needs and emotions become blurred, it is a recipe for disaster. Right now, I'm just trying to get my head straight about things. At times like these, I feel like I've lost my way spiritually. I'm sure God isn't too happy to see me engage in destructive behaviour. But all I can do is pray that he lends me His strength and wisdom everyday. I've never pretended to be a righteous kind of person, but I know who and what I believe in and I hope that, in the end, I'll be set back on the straight and narrow.

Week's end blues

2011-03-24T16:50:00.000-07:00

The weather has turned cold and gloomy recently and, considering the week I've had, it's not doing much for my mood at the moment. I suppose it's to be expected, since Melbourne is heading into the middle of Autumn now. Summer was so short-lived, and it's my favourite season of the year, so I'm quite disappointed about that.

Of course, the weather isn't the only thing that's gotten me down lately, as mentioned above. Work has become a little unbearable. Not the work itself, but the tensions running high between me and a few co-workers. Or, more likely, me and one particular male co-worker.

The thing is, I've been single for almost two years, of my own accord. I'm not interested in being tied down at the moment because I have a lot of things I'd like to accomplish before I settle down, and I think having a partner would get in the way of that. Also, I'm not afraid to admit that I'm not yet emotionally stable enough to be in another committed relationship.

However, having said all that, I am still a human being. I have needs, I have wants and I have weaknesses. I am generally quite a good sort of girl, and I never really engage in the "wild side" of life. So, what I'm doing now is quite out of character for me. Out of character, and really rather hazardous to my already threadbare sanity. At the same time, it excites me and I'm not ready to give it up yet, even though all my sisters and a good friend of mine are all warning me against it. If I let it go on too long I know I'll get emotionally invested and I know I'll just end up hurting myself, but I guess that was always going to be part of the risk upon entering into such an arrangement.

It would be so much easier if he didn't confuse me with his actions. I am perfectly capable of using someone and being completely indifferent towards them on an emotional level (I know that sounds terrible, but I know we are all guilty of it sometimes). However, when they're displaying behaviour which isn't supposed to be related to the kind of arrangement I have with them, it disturbs me. I overanalyse things, it's just in my nature. I am a thinker, a worrier, an intellectual, and I will overthink things to shreds - whether they are truly significant or as worthless as a speck of dust.

So herein lies my dilemma, all self-inflicted of course. I should stop, but I don't want to yet. It's bad for me, yet it feels too good.

Fighting fit

2011-03-19T22:20:00.000-07:00

I am proud to announce that I have reached the half way mark of my weight loss goals. Last week I officially joined the gym, and this week I had my health assessment appointment with one of the gym trainers and I weighed in at just under 60kg (59.7kg)! I haven't been under 60kg since I was 21 or 22, so I'm pretty darn excited!

I started trying to lose weight in earnest at the beginning of January this year, when I weighed in at about 65.5kg, so that's almost 6kg in about 2.5 months. I'm quite happy with that, because I haven't always been strict with myself and I'm not looking for quick weight loss, but rather weight loss I can sustain over a long period of time. My goal weight is 55kg, so I only have about 5kg to go, and I'm also hoping to increase my cardio fitness and to tone and shape up my body. I will be travelling to Spain later on this year, and I know I'm going to need to be in tip top condition because of all the running around I'll be doing, while basically carrying all my luggage around with me.

I just have to make a comment on the kind of effect losing weight has on you and on the people around you. Of course, I feel a whole heap better about myself because, firstly, I feel like I have a lot more energy and am less lethargic than I was when I was carrying the extra weight. Secondly, I feel more attractive. I'm not saying you have to be thin to be attractive, because I find a lot of curvier women much more attractive than stick-thin models, but personally my optimum body condition is to be slender. It's encoded into my genetics, and being even 5kg overweight really shows up on my frame.

Of course, this boost of confidence in my own physical attractiveness has been reinforced by the attention (sometimes unwanted) I receive from members of the opposite sex. I am gratified by genuine and wholesome admiration, not so much the sleaze ball kind, but I take it all in my stride. The important thing is that you feel good about yourself, whether men find you attractive or not. And what's even more important is to feel good about the person you are, and to ensure that you aim to be the best person you can be. I'm still working on that aspect of myself every single day.

Most people wouldn't think I am overweight, some people even think it's crazy that I'm trying to drop so much weight, but I know my body and I know how it feels when it has to lug around an extra 10kg of baggage. It ain't good! I definitely do not starve myself, and I still eat pretty much whatever I want, and I don't do anything harmful to myself (like regurgitation), but I'm just much more disciplined about portions. And even having said that, I still have the occasional overload of naughty food if the occasion calls for it. But I try to balance those times by eating a little more healthily for the next few days. The most important thing, as almost everyone should already know, is to keep up the water intake. That really helps the detoxifying component of weight loss and also for replenishment during exercise.

Of course, I am also now incorporating exercise into the mix. I've been doing group fitness classes for the past two weeks, and I really feel like my mood and general demeanour has improved from the exercise. I'm not certain why I didn't start this sooner, but I guess I never realised how true the advice about exercise releasing endorphins and creating a positive state of body and mind really is. I'll be starting some strength and cardio training in the actual gym soon, so I'm quite excited about that.

All in all, losing weight and getting fit has been a positive experience for me mostly because I've taken my time and not forced myself beyond my own capabilities for discipline. I've found that the one thing that really gets you through is just not giving up. You will have days where you feel "fat" or days where you just cannot be bothered keeping to your regime, I definitely had a lot of those. But the good news is, tomorrow is always another day and is always an opportunity to think positively about yourself and your ability to achieve your fitness goals. Eventually, you'll get into a routine that becomes almost effortless because becoming more disciplined with yourself gets easier over time and the results eventually come, and really give you a pleasant surprise at your own strength. Slow and steady wins the race, I've always been a big believer of this.

Combating work blues with TheNebulousKingdom

2011-02-24T15:34:00.000-08:00

I'm blogging at work again. It's bad, I know, but I'm feeling a bit rebellious today. I suppose you could say that my boss was probably less than impressed about certain things I did last week. However, instead of taking me aside and clearing the air, he's decided to do the whole "oppression" thing. What I mean by that is he's giving me the silent treatment, or if he really has to say something to me he's very short with his words, and of course there's the blatant cold-shouldering.

Now, I have no problem with being reprimanded for behaviour that isn't appropriate or whatever. What I do have a problem with is someone treating me like crap without even bothering to communicate what the problem is to me. I'm not a mind reader, and I certainly do not have the prescience to know what it is you're expecting of me all the time. I do what my job requires of me, sometimes quite efficiently and sometimes in quite a slack sort of way. That's the nature of work. Sometimes you just don't give a stuff, especially when you are inundated with tasks that are not part of your job description and are getting paid minimum wage. I live in Australia, not in Malaysia or Singapore, and I'll damn well stand up for my rights as an employee. Needless to say, I am quietly looking for employment elsewhere while I grit my teeth and bear the abuse for the present.

On a happier note, it's another etsy.com presentation by me. I might have already featured this seller on my blog before, but I'll go ahead and do it again because I just love her work.

Presenting the wonderfully talented Anne-Julie Aubry from TheNebulousKingdom, a purveyor of the dreamy, romantic and whimsical. Her artwork is very unique and beautiful, and I've had the priviledge of acquiring some of her jewelery and also a handmade journal. These items are produced only occasionally and sell like hot cakes, so you basically have to wait for her announcement (either by following her blog or her Facebook page) and then camp out at her etsy store or you'll miss out. However, she does have her prints and post cards for sale on an ongoing and regular basis and these are what I'll be showcasing today.

I've decided to decorate my bedroom wall with artwork. I've already started with a couple of prints and ACEOs I've purchased from other Etsians. And now, I'll be adding Anne-Julie's artwork to my burgeoning wall collage.

Here are a few that I just purchased last night:

Images courtesy of TheNebulousKingdom

Aren't they just lovely? I'm waiting in anticipating to receive this lovely package in the mail!

True love never dies

2011-02-19T03:40:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, I attended the wedding of a good friend from highschool. We belong to a friendship "group" of sorts, and I use that term very loosely because I don't consider myself as part of any group and after certain events that occurred at the reception, I am now reconsidering exactly who I count as a friend.

But, I digress. I just wanted to share my thoughts on my friend's wedding because it proves that true love and romance is, in fact, not dead like I thought it was. It's just rare and very hard to come by...like, for example, the kind of man worth marrying.

My friend and her husband are highschool sweethearts and have been together, even if it was sometimes on and off, since they were fifteen (they're both twenty-six now). Toward the end of 2009, they actually broke off their engagement for about a month and my friend was adamant it was over for good. Of course, I was shocked and devastated at the news - I'd just had my heart shattered into a thousand pieces earlier on in the year and the one couple I thought proved me wrong about the futility of relationships was kaput.

However, they did indeed prove me wrong about the nihilistic view on love, relationships and men in general I had acquired from April 2009 - they got back together after that one month apart and they were still engaged and going strong as ever. In my heart, I think I always knew that they'd work it out eventually because he was strong enough to not give up on her - and I feel kind of bad sometimes, because back in the highschool days I may have teased him a little for his somewhat eccentric ways, but he really has turned out quite well!

I am so happy for them both. You know what's beautiful? They are each other's first everything - first love, first kiss, first date, first lover, first anything you can think of that relates to romantic relationships. Isn't that sweet? When my friend mentioned this in her speech at their reception and choked on sobs while she was doing so, the damn waterworks turned on without my permission! Unfortunately for me, whoever I marry will not be able to be a first everything but at least I know they'll be my first love, and I guess that's what is most important.

Ah, weddings. I seriously despise going to them because each one I've attended in the past few years has ended up screwing me over in some way, but I can't deny they are beautiful things when you really see the love shine through.

And, to close, some token photos of me from the wedding, with everyone else cut out to respect their privacy.

Babies, Showers & Pretty Bowers

2011-02-16T16:16:00.000-08:00

Some time in July of this year,I am officially going to be an aunt to my very own nephew or niece. Now, the way I worded that may sound weird to some, but as I've always been referred to as an aunt by people who are actually older than me (i.e. by the children of my much older cousins, who are not technically nephews and nieces but second cousins) this is an exciting event.

Also, my sister has had some trouble conceiving for quite an extended period of time, so this pregnancy is truly a blessing from above and I am doing everything in my power to make sure that this little boy or girl arrives safely into a world full of love and joy. And yes, I am the last person anyone would imagine being all squishy about children, but when they are one of my own (i.e. part of my family and extended family) it's a whole different story.

I have my part to play in the pre-natal period by co-organising my sister's baby shower with my newly-married sister. The theme is going to be a French tea-party (hopefully, anyway) according to my sister's wishes. Or rather, I put the idea in her head because I've recently become fascinated with British Regency/Marie Antionette times, and she just happened to agree.

First things first, I'm going to make this quite a proper occasion, complete with sending out invitations via snail mail. I will be purchasing these invitations from a quaint shop I found on etsy.com (can you tell I'm obsessed?) called Mulberry Muse. Wendy, the owner of the shop and also the artist behind all the designs you can see there, is amazingly talented. She combines her own artwork with French-inspired antique and vintage ephemera to make digital collages, and the results are beautiful. I'll let her work speak for itself:

The invitations I'll be using for the shower:

Image courtesy of Mulberry Muse

The matching banner I will use as part of the decor on the day:

Image courtesy of Mulberry Muse

I also got my sister a custom bunting from a store called Knotted Nest on etsy.com. Here are some examples of her lovely work:

Now I just have to finalise the guest list, the menu and party favours. Exciting!

Shakespeare, baggage and corsetry...

2011-02-14T03:44:00.000-08:00

I find myself endlessly addicted to etsy.com. Each time I visit the site, it inspires me. Well, it inspires me to buy things, but it also inspires my imagination. I think I'm almost ready to write seriously again.

Recently, these are the images enticing me...

A rendition of 'The Taming of the Shrew' by immortallongings

A little bit of cuteness inspired by this year's Zodiac animal at tagodesign

And some lovely, elegant corsetry to be found at MeschantesCorsetry

I'm seriously thinking about starting a waist training program. Everyone will warn me against it, I'm sure, but ultimately it's my decision. I will think upon it for a while.

Mad for tennis: Australian Open 2011

2011-01-26T15:34:00.000-08:00

As you may or may not know, the first Grand Slam tennis tournament of the year, the Australian Open, is underway right now in Melbourne. In fact, it's almost finals time already. I'm not much of a sports person, but I can be quite the spectator when it tickles my fancy.

My favourite male tennis player is Roger Federer. Now, you might think that's boring or whatever because it may seem that I just favour him because he happens to be one of the elite players at the moment and it's much more interesting to go for the underdog or the up-and-comer. However, I've been a fan of Federer's since he was a nobody. I think the first time I saw him play was when he was around 18 years old, playing a mixed doubles match with fellow countrywoman, Martina Hingis, at the peak of her career. I remember thinking how much of a doofus he looked with his bushy eyebrows, squinty eyes and boofy hair, and how immensely I liked him simply for that fact. Haha.

REUTERS/Annaliese Frank.

Needless to say, that was almost 12 years ago, and though I never really imagined he would become the champion he is today at that time, I'm very happy to have witnessed those awkward years when was just plain old Roger Federer, Hingis's doubles partner, and then have the pleasure of watching him grow into one of the best players of all time.

(January 13, 2010 - Photo by Mark Dadswell/Getty Images AsiaPac)

He has advanced to the semi-finals of the Australian Open 2011, and will be playing Novak Djokovic in about an hour's time. I sincerely hope he beats Djokovic's ass because, apart from the fact that I always want Roger to win, I really am not a fan of the young Serbian. Something about him rubs me up the wrong way.

I will, however, admit that another other young gun, who I also wasn't always fond of, has managed to get himself into my good books. Who am I talking about? Rafael Nadal, of course. He lost in the quarter finals last night to fellow Spaniard, David Ferrer, in straight sets. It was a crying shame, because Nadal just happened to get an injury to his left hamstring (or so it appeared on TV) during a long rally in the second game of the first set, and from then on Ferrer just dominated. But the most inspiring thing is that Nadal kept playing, he didn't retire. And why? Because he didn't want to take anything away from Ferrer's victory and because he hates having to give up, and didn't want a repeat of the 2010 Australian Open where a knee injury forced him to retire in the quarter finals. In his press conference after the match, he looked so dejected while trying to be brave for the cameras and the relentless reporters, it just melted my heart. I just wanted to give him a great big hug.

Yes, he is a very gentlemanlike sportsman and I think that, from now on, I won't mind if he beats Roger. Sometimes. Haha. But seriously, a very humble guy who I think is a really good role model for other young tennis players. And the best thing about him? He doesn't give up just because things are difficult or because he's suffered a setback, and that quality is something I have really come to appreciate, especially in those of the opposite sex.

Oh, and this is probably another reason I've discovered an attraction to Nadal...

Image courtesy of Hello Magazine

Hot.

But, on a more serious note, I wish him all the best and I'm sure he'll get back into form and kick ass very soon. And now, I'm off to see Roger, hopefully, kick Novak's young ass...hehe

Australians all let us rejoice, for we are young and free...

2011-01-25T18:23:00.000-08:00

Today is the 26th of January, Australia Day, our national holiday commemorating the arrival of the First Fleet at Sydney Cove in 1788. I believe that Australians are very blessed with all the opportunities this country has to offer. It is my personal opinion that, despite the fact that it lacks the "glamour" of other continents and has faced a lot of hardship and criticism over the years, there is no other place I'd rather call home than Australia.

To all Australians, a Happy Australia Day!

Images courtesy of the Australia Day website

In joyful strains then let us sing, advance Australia fair...

Current obsession: Vintage teacups

2011-01-25T01:10:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm going to share with you my latest obsession: Vintage teacups!

One of my favourite authors, as I'm sure is the case with many young ladies, is Jane Austen. Even though she wrote about her experiences in the English regency period, I believe that many of her commentaries are still so very relevant to many social situations we find ourselves in today. Of course, most of the markers of breeding and etiquette are very much lost in this modern age, yet human behaviour is the same as it has always been.

But where was I? Oh yes, the vintage teacups. I love tea, and I love drinking it. I especially love a cup of hot tea while I'm curling up with a good book on a cold winter's day. Why did I bring up Jane Austen? Well, because I am currently quite avid about collecting teacups which bear a reminder of something out of the regency period in England. Mostly, I've been scouring antique fine, bone china teacups made in England or Japan. In fact, I just purchased two today from etsy.com, which is quickly becoming a favourite place for me to shop.

Since it will be some time before I receive them, I will share the pictures which the seller TheVintageTeaCup has taken of them.

I have found so many beautiful teacups which I vow I must have in my collection, but lack of funds will restrain me for at least a few weeks. I am also looking to acquire a vintage teapot, and I have located some beautiful ones on etsy.com too. I'm thinking of scouring some local antique stores in my hunt for collecting beautiful vintage china.

As I'm sure has been iterated about many a thing in these modern times, porcelain goods are no longer made the way they once were. I find little care or elegance in the crafstmanship of many noveau wares, and I suppose that is due to the fact that mass production has taken over this world. That, and the fact that anything hand-crafted these days would likely cost you an arm and a leg to acquire. It is sad, but it is just another reminder how far removed we are from the bygone eras of history. Thank God for those people who appreciate the intrinsic beauty and quality of tradition, and preserve it to pass down to those who are aware of their innate value.

Here are some more images of lovely teacups, also from TheVintageTeaCup .

Let's get excited about vintage crockery! I know I am.

p.s I'm not entirely certain that everything I've said makes a whole lot of sense. Please excuse me, I have a million things rushing through my mind at the same time and I've been reading far too many period novels recently.

Crochet, chocolates, ballet and weight loss...

2011-01-18T15:43:00.000-08:00

Hence the reason this place is called Eclectic Ramblings. I wouldn't be me if I wasn't having a whole jumble of random thoughts all at once.

So, I am sincerely bored, and physically exhausted, at work. Which is why I am taking this time to do something naughty and blog on the work computer once again.

Why am I so tired? I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that I've spent the last three or four days madly learning crochet stitches until ungodly hours of the night. Last Friday, I decided that I was going to learn how to crochet so that I can make my own amigurumi. Let me tell you, the very first hour of learning went as slowly as time does when you're waiting for work to knock off. Needless to say, I reverted to being the sailor that I am inside and cussed my way through every stitch in those first moments.

However, I am very happy to say that I persevered and I've made fair progress since then. I'm not in the position to make anything proper because I'd prefer to really master all the stitches before I even attempt a project, but nonetheless I am single-crocheting, crocheting in the round, increasing and decreasing like a pro already. Okay, maybe not a pro...let's say that I've progressed from complete novice to amateur. It's surprising, even to me, that I actually managed to pick this up and get into it because I am definitely one of those people who always means to do things but never really gets around to it. Hopefully, this will hold my attention long enough for me to make it productive in some way or form.

On another note, I ventured into the city last Friday afternoon to meet up with my sister and to purchase my ballet gear. Firstly, we had drinks and some little tid bits at this little chocolate cafe called Chokolait which I think can give the Lindt cafe and all its gimmicks a run for its money. It wasn't only how impressive I found the fare, but also the cozy little atmosphere and the fact that the owner would come out and wander around chit-chatting with customers and singing out farewells as you left.

As I've gotten older, it has become increasingly important that the places I choose to hang out have a certain atmosphere and exude positive vibes, and Chokolait fulfilled both of these for me. It reminds me of the books I've read of another time when people would frequent quaint little cafes or restaurants, and where the owner was alway walking about socialising with his or her customers and giving the place soul and spirit. I'm sure places like this still exist, but I doubt they are as common as they seem to have been once upon a time.

So, back to the ballet gear. I went a little overboard - ballet slippers (which are actually compulsory), leotard, stockings and long leg warmers. I doubt I'll even dare to venture out in this entire kit until I've had a few lessons. I love the look of ballet gear, but I don't want to seem pretentious or over-eager when I'm pretty much a complete novice. Sewing the elastics on my ballet slippers is probably going to prove a little challenging, but hopefully it turns out okay. I am very excited, but also a little anxious, for lessons to start. I'm just really happy at the prospect of dancing again, it's been such a long time.

To prep for lessons, and also for my friend's wedding at the beginning of February for which I've bought a vintage-style number which would look much nicer if my stomach was a little bit flatter, I joined the Tony Ferguson weight loss programme. I was sick of doing detox diets which pretty much have you starve yourself for a week at a time. I'm pretty sensible about these things once I get over the hype, and I firmly believe that you need not starve yourself to slim down a little. Needless to say, the whole not eating thing did nothing to help me shed the pounds. But being on this programme, I actually feel like I'm making a little progress.

It's not a miracle diet and you're not going to lose weight dramatically, or I'm not anyway, unless you're so strict you refuse to eat anything other than what is specified. I'm doing a relaxed version because sometimes I feel a little light-headed or headachey or weak, and I know I need to eat a little more than what is recommended. However, I try to eat more proteins in the form of meat or eggs, and sometimes a little bit of carbs, but I don't snack on sweets or chocolates.

So far, I've lost about 1kg and 1 or 2 centimeters off my waist. I'm not actually overweight, according to the consultant I spoke to, so the weight loss will probably be a little slow. However, despite what the scales say I actually feel lighter after 1.5 weeks on the programme, because I'm not stuffing myself with unnecessary food. This week has been a little trying due to my very overdue menstrual cycle making its presence known again, but my cravings for sweets are minimal at this point in time. I plan to lose at least 3kg by February 12, and I think my chances are pretty good to achieve that goal. I don't think I'll ever be as skinny as I used to be, or as skinny as the girls on TV, but I'm okay with that.

So ends my spiel.

Fascination with amigurumi + Little Big Planet's Sackboy

2011-01-12T23:18:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've been quite fascinated by amigurumi (Japanese art of knitting or crocheting small stuffed animals and anthropomorphic creatures, according to Wikipedia.). I've been thinking about trying my hand at it, but I'm not so sure that my fingers would have the dexterity to accomplish this task.

Plus, I'm known for having left many to-do activities on the backburner after having already bought all the materials to begin. My mind is racing so fast through each and every new phase, I get bored before I even start most times.

I made two purchases on etsy.com recently, amigurumi-related of course. They're both very similar, but dissimilar, at the same time. These two things were an amigurumi Kyo cat doll and an amigurumi Kyo Sackboy doll. Kyo is the cat from the manga/anime Fruits Basket, which I have become a huge fan of after being introduced about a year or two ago and then having watched the anime and read all 23 volumes of the manga. Kyo is my favourite character, because I have an affinity to cats and I kind of relate to him on some personality level (ironic, since I was born in the year of the rat).

I plan to expand my collection to include renditions of Yuki (the rat) and Tohru (who is represented by an onigiri or Japanese rice ball).

Here are some pictures I am borrowing from the respective etsy.com sellers I purchased from:

This is a stock photo of seller GeekChicurumi's amigurumi rendition of Kyo.
She makes them to order, so each is individual in its own way.
Isn't he adorable? And quite true to how he appears in the manga/anime too!

This one I'm particularly excited about because this is actually a customised doll requested by myself from seller MiCrochets. He specialises in Sackboy/Sackgirl dolls, customised to your requirements. Of course, I asked him if he could create a Kyo-centric one for me and I think he turned out lovely. I particularly liked the story of why MiCrochets began learning amigurumi (after all he is a big guy with sleeve tattoos, not exactly the gentle, old nana knitting in her nightie) - he did it so he could make his two sons a Sackboy! How sweet is that?
I cannot wait to receive this!

I've also pre-ordered Little Big Planet 2 just so I can get the 6.5" original Sackboy plush that comes along with it. How's that for insanity? Haha. I'm going to see whether MiCrochets can customise me a Snoopy-centric Sackboy so I can give it to my sister for her birthday in March.

Inspired by Tchaikovsky, op. 20

2011-01-08T17:27:00.000-08:00

Last night, I finally watched Darren Aronofsky's Black Swan after putting it off for several days. I'm not a huge fan of Natalie Portman as an actress, but this movie was really well done and she was as graceful and elegant as ever, and really quite convincing as a true ballet dancer. It is my opinion that it gave a much more realistic perspective of the pressure that ballet dancers experience throughout their career (as opposed to movies like Centre Stage or Save the Last Dance), although this story is a bit more on the extreme side of what pressure can do to a person. I guess you could call it a bit of a psychological drama/thriller. It also gave me the opportunity to see her fiancee, and the father of her baby, Benjamin Millipied and, I have to say, damn that's one fine specimen of man. Good work, Nat!

And, as to the meaning of the title of this blog post - Tchaikovsky's op. 20 is the ballet, Swan Lake, which is the ballet that the movie is centred around. Having been classically trained in piano, I really love a whole range of classical music, including those of the string kind, and Tchaikovsky's ballets (also including The Nutcracker and Sleeping Beauty) are a few I've always found beautiful and moving.

To cut to the chase, after watching that movie, and drawing upon my own urge to study ballet again, I finally enrolled in some adult beginner classes which will start in February! It's all confirmed and paid for, so I'll basically be forced to attend, like it or not. Now that I'm older, and not as lithe as I used to be, I find it very hard to be motivated to venture out to the gym or to aerobics classes. But dance has always been something I've been fascinated by since I was a child learning it myself, and I think it's high time I get back into it before I get too old. Pushing 30 now...well, in a few years anyway, and the fitness levels have already been waning for several years now.

The best part? Finally having a good excuse to shop for ballet gear! So excited! :)

We are not who you think we are, we are golden...

2011-01-06T15:03:00.000-08:00

This blog post is, sneakily, brought to you on the office computer, using the office internet...

So, Christmas and the new year have come and gone. Mine was quite full, yet uneventful. I worked right through, except for New Year's eve and the typical holiday days when my workplace was shut. I sang at midnight mass and Christmas morning mass. We had a family Christmas dinner, which included my newly-married sister's in-laws, and also spent much of it lazing around not doing much. The new year was ushered in with a friend's house party and then standing on the highest point in metropolitan Melbourne among a gathered crowd, watching the fireworks in the city and cheering on with party blowers and sparklers as the (multiple + varying) countdown(s) towards 2011 began. On the 2/1/2011 we had a family gathering, including newly-married sister's husband and mother-in-law, and my cousins, their little girl and their twin baby boys. It was a nice, relaxed affair and it was a beautiful, warm day without being stiflingly hot. And last, but not least, I spent way too much money on sales and things!

I have to state the most overused cliche and say, I cannot believe how fast the year has gone by. I cannot even believe we're already 7 days into this new year! There is so much I would like to achieve this year, and I am trying to stay positive about being able to achieve above half of my list. I have to admit, this year has already started out a little slow for me. But I am determined to be content because I know that sometimes the most beautiful, and significant, things take time to bloom.

I didn't make any resolutions because, in my experience, the more I resolve to do something the more it eludes me. I've made a mental list of things I would like to see happen this year, but I am going to leave 90% of it to fate and, perhaps, 10% to perseverance, which is totally the opposite of what I should really be doing, but I want to preserve my sanity, and my youth, and just relax. For the last two years, all I've done is spend my time being depressed over something or another and constantly worrying about various things. This year, I am going to go with the flow and see where it takes me. This year, I aim to be totally zen about everything - aim, mind you, not resolve. Haha.

Well, I hope any that come across this post, and take the time to read it up to this point, had a lovely Christmas and a fabulous New Year. I wish everyone the best in all their plans for 2011, and hopefully it will improve, or be even better than the last.

I've had the time of my life and I owe it all to you...

2010-12-20T03:33:00.000-08:00

Warning: Massive fluff ahead. Read at the risk of acid reflux or voluntary regurgitation.

This is going to be a first for me - a post about me being happy. And not just happy, but super super super joyful. Proceed at your own discretion, but don't blame me if you feel like puking afterwards. Haha!

Okay, so I think this post is going to totally discredit a lot of stuff I said in the last post about members of the opposite sex; particularly the one I'm attracted to. Let's just say my weekend made me smile, and I haven't stopped smiling and giggling with happiness until this very moment - and probably won't stop for some time. The problem with my guy (as I like to call him) is that he's hot and cold, and that really gets me frustrated. But we're making progress, because the hot is getting warmer and the cold isn't as chilly as it used to be (I have to admit, though, that I am exactly the same way). I'm a very reserved person when it comes to showing my true feelings, and so is he, so I guess unless one of us goes out on a limb it's just going to move inch for inch until we finally reach a place where subtle hints hold no more meaning. The best thing is that I'm usually pessimistic about anything and everything to do with relationships and crushes and attractions and, most of all, LOVE. But I don't feel that with this, and I think I'm encouraged by genuine reciprocation, even though it may not be extravagant platitudes of adoration. It's just kind of cute and comfortable, non-threatening and, best of all, competely devoid of emo.

I won't go into details, but I seriously feel like a sixteen-year-old crushing all over again and I haven't felt this way in a very, very, very long time. Not even with my ex, although it did have its moments. This past year and a half has made me wary of, and weary towards, relationships and being that close to anyone again but he's made me change my mind and I think I'm ready to give it another shot. Not plunge headlong into it, like I did before and which I think was a huge mistake, but ease gently into it. Which is why this "dance" we're doing is kind of nice, though sometimes I feel like I might implode with all the suspense. It feels so...pure and innocent? I don't know, it's just the first words that come to mind when I think about it. Of course, I was past the point of innocence a long time ago but I've never been a truly naughty girl, and now I know I've found a guy who will encourage the better side of me to blossom. I think this might be how it feels like to be in love for the first time...like, really in love?

It's strange...could it be...I'm actually happy...in love?

Haha...nah, too soon.

Shame on you, seducing everyone...

2010-12-17T07:35:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been feeling a little down. I'm not really sure why. It might be a culmination of things. I don't meant to feel "depressed", as those around me like to describe my mood at times, but I do. Part of it is probably the stagnating factor in my current job. I don't mean to be ungrateful, but the truth is that I have a lot more potential than what is currently being utilised and it's getting to me. All that hard work and slogging it at Uni would mean nothing if I just stayed where I am, even for another few months. Someone has suggested to me that I look for another job, even though I've only been at my current job for just over three months. The problem is that I have this enormous feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach about leaving. I mean, even if I apply for other jobs it's not a guarantee that I'd get one any time soon, but still. I feel bad for betraying people who were willing to give me a chance. Everyone who really knows me would know that I hate the feeling of uncertainty, even though it's the only constant in our lives. And I am uncertain as to how I am to approach this part of my life, hence it makes me "depressed" just thinking about it.

As to the other contributing factors, I guess you could say they have more to do with boys and things. I think I must like the feeling of being tortured in love. Well, I'm only saying that because I seem to find myself in these kinds of situations frequently. I wasn't as tortured (in the unrequited love sense, but completely disastrous in all other aspects) with my ex because I wasn't interested in him until he basically coaxed me into having feelings for him, but when the like starts on my side (as I perceive it to) it's, well, torture. Why can't I fall for the one who's already fallen for me? Ex-boyfriend non-withstanding, they are usually the ones who are a better choice anyway. I like the hard-to-get, mysterious and, sometimes, bad-boy types. They're bad for my health, bad for my heart, and bad for my sleeping patterns too. As I keep reminding myself aloud, I'm too old to be playing these kinds of games. And it is a game to them, because sometimes I feel like guys try to see just how far they can push you before they make a move. Who knows what goes through their minds? I doubt that we'd really want to know at the end of the day, no matter how much we say we want to. It's just a total mind-fuck most of the time anyway, pardon my French.

Sometimes I feel like I need to be with someone, and occasionally I feel it so desperately until I have to step outside myself for a second and evaluate what kind of insanity is going through my own head. I'm quite rational when it comes to weighing the pros and cons of things like emotions and feelings, which can be a good and bad thing at the same time. The truth is, feelings, emotions, they're not and never will be rational and it's no use trying to find the logic in them or trying to rationalise their existence. It actually gives me a headache being as rational as I am about them, but that's how my ridiculous brain works. Yet, when I take a moment to think with some clarity, I realise I am actually quite content being alone for the time being. I'm not in a rush to get into a relationship. You'll notice I said content - another ugly truth is that no matter what anyone says, we need people to love and to love us. Even someone as pessmistic as I am about the world and life in general can see that. I wish it wasn't so, but I suppose there is a lot of joy in loving and being loved if it's done correctly.

I shouldn't blog at 3:00am in the morning, I have some sort of melancholia at around that time, without fail. Just call it a moment of introspection.

Lorna Jane, I love you + starting the Lemon Detox Diet

2010-12-10T23:22:00.000-08:00

Recently, very recently, I've decided I'm going to do something, once and for all, about my weight problem. That is to say, I don't actually have a health-related weight issue but, like most women, I would like to lose a few, or several, pounds. At this point in time, I'll admit to being roughly 10kg above my ideal or, more likely, preferred weight. When I was in my early twenties, I was always quite slim and much more active, and I'm pretty sure the extra weight is making me feel less energetic, as well as leaving a huge dent in my self-esteem.

To motivate myself, somewhat, I've been purchasing active wear from a brand called Lorna Jane. I do believe Lorna Jane is an Australian-based brand headed by no other than Lorna Jane Clarkson, lead designer and founder. I used to walk past Lorna Jane stores and think that the clothes inside were only meant for the svelte supermodel, but I decided to venture in one a couple of weeks ago and now I am hooked!

Here are a few of my purchases to help get me started on my fitness/weight loss:

All images are courtesy of Lorna Jane

Cute, right? Not exactly cheap though, but I've never been fussy about that.

I'm going to start something called the Lemon Detox Diet on Monday, which is basically just a 5-7 day detox where you consume nothing but a mixture composed of lemons, madal bal natural tree syrup (similar to maple syrup), cayenne pepper and water. That is the standard detox, the optimum version goes for 10-14 days and there's a relaxed version which allows you to eat solids and goes for about a month.

I'm doing the 5-7 day standard version, which I'll trial for 3 days to see if I can make it. I'm not really doing it to lose weight or go on a diet per se, although there is a lot of raving about how it does allow you to lose quite dramatic weight while on the program. I'm doing it more as a kick start to boost my metabolism and to help me break through the plateau I hit after my last stint at trying to lose weight. I lost 5kg through maintaining a calorie-controlled diet and light exercise, but couldn't seem to lose anymore after that, although I've basically maintained my weight since then. I realise that not eating solid food for extended periods of time is not a healthy choice, that is why I'm definitely not going to be doing this for longer than a week at a time.

Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best! Here's to attaining body that might not be model material, but is one I can be satisfied and confident of! :)

I'm digging you, I'm feeling you, and you know what's up

2010-11-19T05:41:00.000-08:00

It's past 1:00am and I'm feeling kind of wired. I had the 5:00am shift, got home at noon, then crashed out until 5:00pm. Well, there went my day. I have nothing much to express these days. I guess I've realised the beauty of keeping things to myself. There always needs to be something left to the imagination.

What I can say is that I'm entering this confused state of warring emotions. In all honesty, I am not ready to feel anything for, or be in love with, anyone but myself. I'm aware that that sounds selfish to the extreme but I think that if you're incapable of loving yourself, then you are definitely not capable of truly loving another person. Of course, there are limits to exactly what kind of loving you are giving yourself. To people with a sense of common decency and decorum, I think you know what I mean about loving yourself, so I don't have to explain myself. If you don't understand, do a little soul searching and I'm sure you'll discover the answer eventually.

Very soon I know I'm going to hear murmurings about why I'm still single and unmarried; that's one of the curses of Asian culture. Despite how modernised the outlook of my family is, they never fail to latch on to the old-fashioned values. I'm not worried about it in the least, but I dread having to deal with that kind of thing. I'm not equipped for that kind of public scrutiny.

Only one of my sisters remains unmarried now, my elder by eleven years, and I feel some pity for her now that she's bearing the brunt of the abuse until I "come of age" to partake my share of it. My dilemma is that I think I've found him, but I'm not ready for it. I am not prepared to share my life with someone else again, for the time being. It was a burden during and even for some time after my last, and only, relationship ended. I've never trusted anyone easily in my entire life, and now I am on complete lock down. It's easy to engage in some friendly, harmless flirtation, but it's a whole different ballgame when it gets past the playful stage and starts moving into the serious.

He knows what's up. I know what's up. But neither of us is moving an inch. It's all about subtle, underlying shifts with us. It's sweet, but it's driving me insane. I feel like blowing the whole thing wide open, and seeing what comes of it, but I've never been that brave. I just need a sign as to what it is I'm supposed to do. I doubt I'll be getting one any time soon, though...but a girl can dream, can't she?

Ugh. A post full of frippery is next on the agenda. Just needed this out of my system.

Points to ponder

2010-11-14T03:34:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to type this post for the last three days, but somehow something always got in the way of me finishing it. I'm pretty bad at keeping up to date with the blog nowadays, and I hardly ever blog about what I say I'm going to. It's not that I'm bored of blogging or anything, it's just that I find it hard to be motivated to do it, especially with the many distractions my life seems to have accumulated these days.

So, to ensure I actually complete a post this time, I'm just going to list a few dot points:

1. I'm back on the WoW (World of Warcraft) wagon now that the Cataclysm expansion is near release. I really wanted a collector's edition version, but it seems all the pre-orders are sold out. I'm a bit sad, but I guess in the end it's really a waste of money to get something that will lose its novelty in the blink of an eye.

2. I've finally managed to purchase some stuff from Miranda Kerr's skincare range, Kora Organics, after umming and ahhing about it for a while. There was a mix-up with my order and delivery, but hopefully it will get here sometime mid-week and I can give my thoughts on it.

3. Also managed to get my hands on the Urban Decay Naked palette which is notoriously hard to get a hold of, especially from this distant land called Oz. Should get it by the end of the week, and I'm very excited!

4. I think I'm in love. Lol. No, really, I'm laughing but I'm serious. Damnit.

Okay, I think that's all I can muster for the time being.

They will not control us, we will be victorious. So come on!

2010-10-14T03:19:00.000-07:00

I'm having a Muse week, hence the lyrics in the blog title. Personally, I mostly prefer their older stuff, but some of their more recent offerings are pretty good too so I'm not complaining. They are a superior version of Radiohead, who I never held much interest for except for that one popular song, "Creep". Just my opinion.

Anyway, I'm kind of bored and don't have to keep an early sleep schedule tonight since I start at the normal time of 9:00am tomorrow, instead of the 7:00am I've been doing all week. I'm blogging to a much different tune to the last post. I was emo for a day, I got over it and now I'm moving on to brighter things.

In exactly a week it will be my 26th birthday. Yay! One step closer to 30! Sometimes I worry that I'm already this old and haven't really started with anything concrete and "adult" in my life yet. But then I realise, it doesn't actually matter. Life isn't meant to be about a set of deadlines and rules, it's about what feels right for you and what's happening at the time. These past couple of years, I've learned a lot. Through my break up and the process of picking myself up off the ground and learning to trust people again, it's put a lot of things into perspective for me. I don't place so much importance on a lot of nice, but transient, things in life any more. But, damn it, I am still a big spender!

Since I am now in full-time employment, it's so tempting to spend, spend, spend. I'm a quintessential Rat (in the Zodiac sense) in that respect. I guess you could say that, lately, I've been a little emotional which tends to make me more of a shopaholic than usual. Plus, it's my birthday and I don't tend to get a lot of presents from people (not important to me by the way, the fact that people just remember my birthday and send me good wishes is more than enough for me) so I've decided to splurge a little on myself. What I really want to get is a new camera, which I will have to save up for for a couple of weeks. It gives me time to decide which one I want, since I am a little anal on specifications and value for money. I'm thinking either a Canon or a Lumix, not really that fond of Sony cameras nowadays.

Next post, I'm going to promote my favourite seller from Etsy.com. She's an American artist living in Tokyo and she has some fab designs for press-on nails at really great prices. I'm just waiting on a recent purchase I made to arrive, and then I will uncover the goods. But 'til then, I'm off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz...

Not really.

The Ex-Factor

2010-10-11T02:54:00.000-07:00

By a series of investigative tactics (also known as Google) I have found out that my ex-boyfriend is in the throes of impending nuptials with the current girlfriend, or should I say fiancé. What even possessed me to snoop around on the ex? Well, there's this thing I've been doing periodically for the past year where I check up on the ex as a test of whether my bridge has been built strong enough for me to walk over and never look back (well, when I say "look back" I mean hold onto past feelings and stuff). Technically, I think that bridge was built a long time ago, but I don't like nasty surprises and I'm a Rat, I need to be in the know all the time. Just ask, like, everybody in my family and also my friends, they'll tell you. People might think I'm strange, but I am the person I am and I'm not really concerned with what most people think of me.

How do I feel? Hm, I don't know. I can't say it doesn't effect me at all, because that would mean that I am completely devoid of a heart or feelings (although the same cannot be said for the other party). I don't think I'm upset, although I am a little bemused at the prospect, especially the part about them wanting to do a big hoo-ha in Bali. It's strange, now when I see pictures of the ex, it's as if they are a stranger that I never even knew. I guess, in a way, they are. I think I'm happy for them, at the same time as feeling sad for them, even though that probably won't make much sense to anyone except for me.

I'm in a good place now, and they obviously are too. Of course, I won't lie and say there isn't any residual negative feelings towards the ex. I certainly wouldn't even pretend to be civil or claim any former acquaintance if I ever crossed paths with them again, but neither would I make the effort to approach them. In fact, I'm kind banking on the fact that I will NEVER cross paths with them again so that I won't have to exact revenge and ruin my karma. I sound bitter probably, but I'm really not. They just hurt me unconscionably, without any sort of remorse, so I don't expect forgiveness to fill my heart any time soon. However, I can think about them, hear their name and see their picture without revulsion now, so I guess that's a good start. Hopefully, it can only progress positively from there.

Well, after almost an entire year spent not thinking about the ex and being...distracted by other prospects, I guess there was bound to be a period of reflection. In hindsight, all the shit that happened during the time he broke up with me was kind of a godsend. It kind of made me a better person, stronger without being standoffish against the whole world like I used to be back in the angst-ridden emo days of my younger years. It's also let me review my priorities, and be a little wiser in my decision making. I'll be turning 26 soon, so I guess it's time to grow up and move on up.

If that person ever reads this:

I sincerely hope you're happy.

I'll eventually forgive but now is not the time.

I hope you've grown as much as I have through this experience.

Next time...

We will resume the usual program.

And I said, hey, what's going on?

2010-10-04T16:56:00.000-07:00

I love that 4 Non Blondes song and, at my current age, it holds so much more meaning than it used to. So this is just a random post since I haven't updated in, like, forever. It's gonna be short because I'm typing it on the tiny keyboard of my BlackBerry Bold 9700, which is my saviour during the slow times at my, relatively, new job in admin at a local meat company. It's not much, but it's something and I'm gaining that precious and rare commodity called work experience which, hopefully soon, will put me in good stead for a better and more high-paying job which will actually utilise more of my considerable brain capacity.

Also, in other news, I came back from a trip to Malaysia last week (which is where I got this nifty little gadget). I've come to realise my birthplace is no longer a place I can ever really call home. To be honest, being there stirred up a lot of unwanted anger and frustration for me - but I guess that might be particular to my specific family condition. However, I won't say I didn't have some enjoyment. Particularly my painful foot massage, where my 'Chinese master' kept trying to engage in some sort of verbal flirtation and kept sneaking secret glances at me. Too bad I'm not at all interested in Chinese guys anymore, he was kind of cute. LOL. The main point was that it only cost about 85RM for a two hour foot massage, I got star treatment and I slept so freaking well afterwards. I woke up totally zen the next morning.

Well, lots to tell but need to get back to work before the boss realises I'm slacking.

Weekend Whimsy

2010-08-30T05:10:00.000-07:00

Can we say GREAT weekend? Oh my, yes, was mine ever so awesome. Awesome enough that I'm about to do a pointless gushing blog post about it.

I went ice skating on Friday night. Seeing as how I live in Australia, ice skating is a novelty, and one I haven't had the chance to indulge in for years. To my pleasant surprise, it seems that my abilities remain intact after all this time. I'm already excited for another go on the ice, although my muscles are putting up a bit of a protest right now (can we say unfit?). I'm very proud to say I didn't fall ONCE, although there were a few close encounters. I can even semi speed skate and swerve around other skaters with relative ease. There is one thing I have to gripe about though - I absolutely hate rental skates! They're always made of this cheap, hard plastic that leaves me with nasty welts on my calves by the end of the night! It was so much fun though, I don't think I've had that much fun in a while.

Anyway, aside from that, the most important thing is that I got to spend 75% of my weekend with great people. People who I've come to love as friends, and others who will soon (I'm sure) share part of that love. In the friendship stakes, I swear it's all coming together for me. I think God is finally answering my prayers. Hallelujah!

No, seriously, I have to thank God a bunch for these people. They are just what I needed to bring the life back in me.

Also, I decided a little while ago that, actually, I'm not really ready for another relationship, as the last one left me feeling much too empty and now I'm immersed in finding myself. However, just because I'm not ready, it doesn't mean that I'm not "prepping". Needless to say, I think the "prepping" is going well. No dramas, no pointless emotional crap. Just more and more pleasant surprises, that girlish excitement fluttering in your stomach, and the sweet feeling of puppy love. Sigh, what more could you ask for?

It was a GREAT weekend. It was. It was.

Musical Blast from the Past: That Ain't Bad - Ratcat

2010-08-25T00:40:00.000-07:00

I've heard this song playing countless times on the radio, in movies and in television commercials, but yet I've never bothered to find out who was behind this catchy bit of pop-rock.

Well, the recent Bonds advertisement on TV (featuring a girl band riding on the back of a fire truck driving through the street, rocking out their rendition of this song while sporting Bonds tube bras) must have sent me a subliminal message. I say subliminal because their arrangement of the song was so different I didn't even realise it was this song until my brother told me later, but somehow I've had this song stuck in my head for days and I had no freaking clue why. Now I do.

So, Ratcat, they're an 80s/90s Australian rock band. I don't listen to Australian music much, despite having grown up here. I mean I liked Silverchair before they became...experimental (to put it nicely), and there's a few other bits and pieces I am partial to, including Savage Garden and up-and-comers The Temper Trap, but *shrug* Australian-grown music isn't something that entices my musical palate in general.

However, that's not to say they don't produce some gems. Like this one. This song was released in 1990/91 but it definitely still has the 80s vibe about it. Nowadays, every time I hear it it reminds me of that movie The Wedding Singer. I miss the music from the old days...

Thank God I'm old enough to be able to appreciate it. Not to say that those who come after me don't or won't, but I fear there's going to be an ever-increasing decline as time goes on. So I'm doing my bit to keep it all alive and relevant. Go on and break out the old disco moves....

This is a MooGoo announcement.

2010-08-24T03:49:00.001-07:00

For those of you who live in the northern suburbs of Melbourne, particularly in the Epping, Lalor, Mill Park or Thomastown area, I thought I'd announce that MooGoo is now being stocked at Health Generation in Epping Plaza (near the fruit market).

I've been using their products, specifically their shampoo and moisturisers, for just over a year now and I swear by it (particularly the shampoo). Read my past review on the shampoo here if you're interested - but I think I will do an updated review soon, including some additional products I've used. Just to add some background information, I've recommended the MooGoo shampoo to my three older sisters (who all have dry scalp/dermatitis issues - must run in the family) and now two of them also swear by it. The third is a bit of a fusspot, but she also didn't use the product on a regular basis (despite my urging and persuading - I even gave her a bottle of it for her birthday so she could try before buying!) so she hasn't had the fantastic results my other two sisters and myself have experienced using it.

I went to Health Generation the day before last to check out whether they stocked a Burt's Bees night cream I was looking to try (they didn't) and was more than pleasantly surprised to see that they had a MooGoo display with almost the full product line available for purchase, give or take a few things.

I am soooo happy that I am now able to pop into my local health store to stock up on my shampoo instead of having to wait for a week to get it in the mail after ordering. I ended up picking up the MSM Soothing Cream to try, as I've heard good things about it and have been meaning to give it a go for ages but have never got around to it. That will most likely be the additional MooGoo review I'll be writing up, probably after at least 2 weeks use, if not a month.

Okay, well that's my bit for spreading the word about a product I love and believe in. Completely voluntarily and un-endorsed, of course - I hate lying about something that is all talk and no result.

We interrupt you with a broadcast from the elusive author of Eclectic Ramblings

2010-08-20T05:47:00.000-07:00

I realise I've been on a, somewhat, extended absence. Life, it seems, does indeed get in the way. The reality is that I am still unemployed, but the good news is that I think I'm finally making some headway. It took months of feeling like I was banging my head into a brick wall before I got to this point. Right now, I'm taking every opportunity I'm presented with (which, recently, has been quite a number) and not stressing out too much if it doesn't produce results. Why? Because, eventually, I know I will get there. I've whetted the interest of would-be employers out there, and it's just a matter of time. My sister's impending nuptials are almost upon us all, so most of my focus is on that for the moment and job-hunting is taking its place on the back burner of my mind (although, of course, it is still a constant process in my daily goings-on).

Ah, what news and what drama there is to share. I do not think people realise that there is only so much shit I can take before I reach a breaking point and unleash the full force of my agitation. Take last weekend, for example, I was so royally sick of my eldest sister's tendency to wake up mad about some unknown reason (which she tends to do on a Saturday morning quite frequently, go figure), stomp around like she's some sort of giant, and then go on a crashing and banging rampage as she goes about her business.

Generally, I am quite capable of ignoring that aspect of her intolerable nature, but I guess Judgement Day came and I pulled out the big guns. The only thing that grinds my gears about my rages is that the edge tends to be spoiled by the waterworks that spring forth from my eyes. I can't help it, it's almost instinctual, but I hate the fact that it makes me look so utterly weak and...well, and GIRL-Y! To cut a long story short, I told said eldest sister that she was no longer part of the family and that she should pack her bags and get out. Which she did - for about 3 or 4 hours. Then she was back, drinking a bottle of red all by her lonesome (I was out out at my sister's hens night, and my three brothers were gallivanting about with the brother-to-be) and writing me an email about how we would never be able to get rid of her because, as long as we need her help (as she, somehow, thinks we do) she'd be sticking around. What gall, honestly, but since that episode basically drained me of all my rage I haven't had the energy to contest such ludicrousness. So things have, tentatively, returned to normal. Until someone decides to push that red button they shouldn't even think about pushing.

And that isn't even the half of it. But maybe I shall save some of the fiasco, called my family life, for future posts. I'm quite certain there will be new additions to the ongoing saga of catastrophe as the weeks go on. And as the addition of family from overseas begins to crowd themselves into our humble abodes to witness the marriage. Let the adventure begin!

Thought for the Day: Etsy.com - Kukubee

2010-07-14T23:44:00.000-07:00

Just a short post.

I was browsing Etsy.com last night, which I haven't done in a while, and I came across a seller called Kukubee. They sell these cute, little zipper pouches made of canvas with original prints created by artists who collaborate with their business. I purchased two of them, because I'm a serial shopper and couldn't resist these. I bought one for my friend too, because I'm pretty sure she might be into this kind of stuff. I can't describe the artwork, so I'll show you pictures instead.

These are the prints I got:

Which panda are YOU

Vampire Picnic

Looking forward to getting these. Sometimes Etsy.com really has some great finds!

Note: All images are courtesy of Kukubee on Etsy.com.

Back from obscurity + sharing with pictures

2010-07-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a while.

With all the things going on around here, updating my blog has been the last thing I've been wanting to do for ages. Now, I find myself sitting in front of a computer and in the mood to share at least a snippet of what's been happening in my life during my 1.5 month absence from blogging.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the baptism of two of my favourite babies - who also happen to be twins, and twin brothers at that (double the trouble on their poor mom once they get older). Their older sister, who will be turning three come the end of the year, is also one of my favourite babies, but should probably be called a favourite toddler now. I have to point out that I append "favourite" to my description of them because I am not the kind of person who generally gravitates toward children. You could say it's because I'm more on the awkward rather than nurturing side when it comes to the little people. However, these three tiny humans have somehow found a way to crawl into my stone cold heart, lol.

Anyway, I thought I'd share some pictures that were taken during the occasion.

Token photo of some of the food at the post-baptism celebrations

My sister made their baptism cakes - pretty good effort I thought

Yup, that's me and the little princess :)

Aren't they incredibly adorable? :) The one on the right wouldn't look at the camera :(

That's all from me for the present. Hopefully, the next post will come sooner than this one did.

Thought for the Day: May 26 2010 - Finding my religion and, maybe, love again

2010-05-25T22:34:00.000-07:00

So about 6 months ago I started going back to church. I was born and baptised Catholic, dabbled in and was baptised into the Pentecostal scene, and now I'm back in the Catholic church. However, my experiences with different Christian denominations has shaped my faith in such a way that I'm not particularly in favour of all Catholic traditions, however I respect those that practice them. The most important thing for me, no matter what church I go to, is that I find a "home" and a "family" there - two things I personally believe are very important as support systems for strengthening your faith in and relationship with God. And I think I have now.

Last night I went to a youth meeting by myself (which is almost something unheard of because I'm really kind of shy and reserved when I'm in the midst of strangers) and, wow, I was blown away by how comfortable I felt being there. Of course, I was invited by a couple of lovely sisters who I had met previously, but in the past that wasn't exactly a buffer for the mortification I felt when attending one of these things. Maybe it's because I'm older, maybe it's because I'm less "emo" nowadays, but it was great to be greeted by such immediate warmth and acceptance. After spending most of 2009 in a state of depression and negativity, this is something I really needed to happen for me. I know it was only the first meeting, but I have a good feeling about it.

On another note, I've started, well, "looking" again. That is, I've started scouring for potential "romantic" partners. Or, rather, I have one particular person in my sights because I'm not really someone who just looks around at random - which is also the reason I do not get into relationships quickly or lightly. All I can say is that after my disastrous failure of a relationship which almost destroyed me, if I'm to be really honest, I re-evaluated a lot of things about myself and about what I want, need, in a partner.

This guy is the last person anyone who knows me personally would think I would be attracted to, but I am attracted to him nonetheless. He definitely meets a lot of the points on my "check list", haha. Of course, I wouldn't be so interested if I didn't sense a little bit of reciprocation, my vanity refuses to suffer that kind of one-sided stuff, not at my age. If anything concrete comes of it, then I'm sure you'll hear about it. But let's just say that, right now, I'm really happy with the way things are progressing :)

Music for the Moment - Blast from the Past: More Than Words by Extreme

2010-05-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

Man, I have been seriously slack with the blogging. It's a combination of being busy, having nothing to blog about, not having the motivation when I do have something to blog about and general cbf-ness. Well, today I thought I'd share another musical tid bit. I have to say, sometimes I think I was born in the wrong era. I should have been born in the mid-late 70s and grown up as a teen through the 80s or early 90s. That's where a majority of the best music came from, in my personal opinion. And they definitely do not make music the way they used to, oh no, I am very unsatisfied with what today's music brings. Oh well, at least I'm still able to appreciate the good stuff despite my Generation Y status (one I loathe, by the way).

I present to you a song I've always really liked but have been obsessed with (like, literally playing it on repeat for hours) recently - I'd be lying if I failed to mention it's because of a guy I'm interested in who just happened to play a bit of it for me on the weekend (I am a sucker for musicians). I'm even learning how to play it on the acoustic guitar myself. I'm never going to reach the heights of Nuno (the guitarist, who is also a deliciously beautiful species of man) but, hey, one can dream right? It should be familiar to a lot of you but, if not, be introduced to one of the greatest pop songs I think I've ever heard.

It's "More than Words" by Extreme!

Thought for the Day: May 3 2010 - WoW it's Children's Week!

2010-05-03T01:14:00.000-07:00

So, I lead a sad life of playing WoW on the weekend. Well, I played WoW this weekend anyway, because my sister and bro-in-law went interstate and I had a bit of time to myself for a change. This week it's the Children's Week world event, where you get to adopt an orphan and go out and do quests for them, which are mostly them telling you they want to see certain sights in different areas. I did the quests on my Paladin and my Death Knight (who just hit level 80 last night). So here are my babies (one Wolvar and one Oracle):

Yep, I've got nothing better to share than that right now. I feel brain dead from having had only about 5 hours (if that) sleep last night. I got some cute earrings in the mail today, I think I'll share those in my next post. But, 'til then...

Thought for the Day: April 30 2010 - Shoe Fetish

2010-04-30T06:49:00.000-07:00

Today, I bought a new pair of shoes. New shoes always make me feel better somehow, no matter what kind of mood I'm in. At this moment, I'm kind of in a pissy mood because one of my sisters has declared that she is claiming things she has borrowed from me (some of which are my favourite things) by conquest. No one claims my things (especially my favourite things) by conquest, least of all the people who always tell me I shouldn't be buying things because I have no money. She might have been joking, but considering that some of the things I've lent out to people in the past have never been returned...ahem.

Anyway, the shoes (which I personally think are very hot)...

All better. Sort of.

Thought of the Day: 29 April 2010 - We Are Family photos

2010-04-29T06:08:00.000-07:00

Today's post will feature some photos of my family and I, which were taken during the Anzac Day long weekend holiday. More specifically, during our family steamboat session which also doubled as a birthday celebration for my little brother (who is turning 23 tomorrow).

I am completely barefaced in these photos; which is to say, I do not have one iota of make up on. No foundation, definitely no eye make up (I was and still am suffering from allergies) and not even lip gloss/balm. And you know what I've noticed? Man, do I look young (well, a lot younger than I do when I wear make up). If only my skin would behave better, I would never wear make up again. Unfortunately, I doubt that's going to happen any time soon. Oh well.

Anyway, some good times hanging out with the family. My dad is on a flight to Singapore tonight, and I'll miss having him around. But I'm used to his comings and goings, it's been this way since we first came here 20 years ago. This trip, I let him know that I'm not a child he can keep secrets from any more. I hope this means he'll be a little more upfront about things from now on.

Finally, here are the photos. Just so you know, I'm the one in the Domo-kun t-shirt covered by a grey cardigan. It was a gift from the ex, but who cares. I like Domo-kun stuff no matter how I got it.

Click for larger images

The food

My older sis (the 4th child to my 5th) and my little brother (6th)

L-R: Oldest sister (1st), Dad, Older sister (2nd) Little bro, Me, Sister's fiancé, Older sister

L-R (back): Sister's fiance, Older sister, Oldest sister, Dad, Older sister

Front row: Me (yes, I am doing a fobby pose), Little bro

Okay, that is my show and tell for the day.

Thought for the Day: 28 April 2010 - On being contrary

2010-04-28T07:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, it's really easy for me, let alone other people, to hate the person that I am. I'm sure we've all heard "Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary" before; that's me, personified in a nursery rhyme title.

I am a being of contradictory natures.

I'm a cynic and an idealist. I'm pessimistic, yet hopeful to a fault. I'm tough and yet so very fragile. I hate the things I also secretly wish would happen to me. I'm sure I'm not all that unique in that sense. And for anyone who dislikes contrary people, newsflash - we probably already hate ourselves enough without your negative input. It's not exactly a picnic in the park having to deal with the war that's happening in your very own mind.

There has to come a point when the two opposing natures inhabiting my body collide, and one must defeat the other. Right? Maybe then I'll really know who I am.

Thought for the Day: 27 April 2010

2010-04-27T06:55:00.000-07:00

My room looks like a bomb shelter. It always hits me, as soon as I enter it, how chaotic my mind must be if my living space is that disastrous. Ah well, I guess it's the province of youth; my kind of youth, anyway. I think I've been through most of the common ailments; emo, angst, rebel without a cause, problems with authority, black sheep syndrome, high school outcast, blinded by love, making fucked up decisions when it comes to relationships...the list could go on and on. Hopefully, now that I've passed the quarter century mark, I'll have learnt enough to not make the same stupid mistakes, especially in the area of relationships. It's all going to be strategic, as opposed to emotional and impulsive, from here on out. Seems like a very clinical approach to a pretty illogical concept, but there it is. I'm sure that, somewhere down the road, I'll eat my words because I'll do exactly the opposite of what I say I'm going to do. But I'm determined to stick to my guns for as long as I can. Settling for second best is out of the question now; been there, done that, bought the totally overpriced and overrated "t-shirt" and that ain't going to happen again.

It's a venting day, I think. I haven't had a good bitch session for a while, probably because I haven't really felt like having one. I really should stop bottling up all my crap. Don't really feel like going to volunteer work tomorrow, but I'll have to soldier on or I'll just end up screwing myself over. Ugh.

Thought for the Day: 26 April 2010

2010-04-26T01:29:00.000-07:00

I slept for 12 hours. I haven't slept that much for weeks, ever since I started waking up earlier because...well, because I find that I can't sleep in, even when I want to. Maybe it's stress, maybe it's because I'm getting older, but by 9-10am I feel the need to be up and about. Yes, I know that when I start working I'm going to have to be up by 6-7am, but that's something to worry about when I have to worry about it. I haven't been feeling my best this long weekend. I think I might have gotten an allergic reaction to something I ate. My skin has become really dry and itchy, like I've broken out in hives. It's not a breakout because, surprisingly, my acne-related breakouts have been pretty minimal this entire week. Maybe I need to lay off the shellfish, because I have a feeling that they might be the culprit to my current condition.

Last night, we had steamboat (tomorrow there shall be pictures, I think). It was just a family thing, plus my sister's fiancé (who is pretty much family, anyway). We also celebrated my younger brother's 23rd birthday, which is actually on the 30th of April, but since my dad is flying back to Malaysia on the 29th we had to push the festivities to an earlier date. There was so much food - way too much. We had enough leftovers to make laksa for lunch today. I feel completely wrung out from all the food preparation, eating and socialisation. Perhaps I'm coming down with the flu because I don't usually feel so worn out from these kinds of things. But it was nice that we could all come together as a family, it's not often that we get to do that, especially since my dad spends most of his time in Malaysia instead of Melbourne. The weather's becoming cooler and wetter too, a sign that winter is coming.

Tomorrow will be a day to focus on the job hunt again, I've been slack recently because I've been feeling a little run down this week. So, onward and upward...to employment!

Thought for the Day: 25 April 2010 - "Lest we forget."

2010-04-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

Today is Anzac Day. For those of you who are not familiar with Anzac Day, it is the day we remember the Australian and New Zealand Corps who fought in Gallipoli, Turkey during World War 1. In more recent times, it has become a day where we also commemorate all people who have served in the military and died for their country. When I studied the histories of wars in high school, I felt so detached from all the death and violence, the pain of loss. Back then, wars were things that happened so long ago, so far away, and I couldn't fully appreciate the efforts of the soldiers who had given up their lives in pursuit of a concept. Now that I'm older, and the world is in the state that it is in at present (i.e. constantly under the threat of terrorism, among other things), it's dawned on me just how much these people sacrifice to protect their countries. Everything hits so much closer to home now, and reality is suddenly knocking on the door, forcing you to confront it. I remain ignorant about many aspects of war, and I still do not agree with it for the most part, but I will not turn my back on those who would put their lives on the line to defend our freedom. Lest we forget.

To you.

2010-04-24T07:44:00.001-07:00

What do you want?

Thought for the Day: April 23 2010

2010-04-23T03:09:00.000-07:00

I am officially declaring myself an Arwen 'shipper; Arthur + Guinevere (Gwen) = Arwen! I know, we 'shippers are a crazy breed, but I don't think we care because there's so many of us out there.

It's common knowledge that Arthur is meant to end up with Guinevere anyway. Although, considering that the Merlin series is kind of taking the standard Arthurian legend in a completely different direction, it may go another way altogether. I'm generally a purist when it comes to things which are based on historical information, even if it is legend rather than fact, but I don't mind that they're shifting away from the cannon. I've heard there are many different interpretations of Arthurian legend that have been floating around since God knows when anyway, so we can assume this is yet another perspective to the myth. I have to admit, I find Bradley James (the actor who plays Arthur Pendragon) quite a delicious specimen of male, lol. I don't usually go for blondes, but he and Alexander Skarsgard (Eric Northman on TrueBlood HBO) are starting to make me change my mind.

On another note, today I went to the city with my Dad. He wanted to buy an Akubra hat which, I guess, could be equated to an Australian version of the American cowboy hat. They're pretty damn expensive if you want to buy the, supposedly, authentic thing. My Dad settled for the cheaper version you can generally find in Australian souvenir stores. I bought a black and white striped jersey dress from Forever New. I pretty much got it so I can wear it to a birthday dinner tomorrow night. My wardrobe is mostly composed of casual rather than smart attire, so I guess this was a good excuse to make another, more formal, addition to my collection. Tomorrow I'll be going to Chadstone Shopping Centre, which is pretty much the largest shopping centre in Melbourne (if you don't count Southland Westfield) and has all the high end brands; like Tiffany's, Chanel, Louis Vuitton, etc. I don't go there much because that stuff is just way out of my (unemployed, and probably even employed) budget and the other stores can be found at much closer, and more convenient, locations. But, my sister is looking for an evening gown to wear to her wedding reception, so that calls for a more luxe shopping endeavour, I suppose. I hope it's a productive session because Chadstone is HUGE and it's pretty exhausting walking from one end of it to another.

Yes, I'm aware there are bigger shopping malls in other parts of the world, but I doubt that you'd ever find me spend more than an hour or two in any of them, no matter how much of a shopaholic I am! I shop with purpose, I shop with efficiency and I always shop with at least some idea of what it is I want before hand. I can't stand aimlessly walking in and out of stores, or constantly going back to the same stores all day because you are uncertain of what you want. Hey, I sound like a guy-shopper...

Thought for the Day: April 22 2010

2010-04-22T06:38:00.000-07:00

It was my second day of volunteer work today. Of course, considering that it's voluntary, I'm basically working for nothing. But, I'm going to grin and bear it because it's a means to an end. I don't have much professional experience, so this is a great opportunity to get some. The end result, naturally, being that I will have the ability to enter paid employment in the very near future.

On another topic, I'm currently reading the books in the Southern Vampire Mysteries series by Charlaine Harris. Most of you who are fans would know that those are the books the True Blood HBO series is based on. I have to be honest, stylistically the writing could be better but the quality of story is downright fabulous. Sexy, witty, provocative - thoroughly entertaining. I'm only on the third book, called Club Dead (there's currently nine of them, with the tenth coming out next month), and it's a page turner. It really gets you invested in the characters and then rips them to shreds, so you end up confused as to where your loyalties lie. I love it.

I've been reading the Percy Jackson series too. I liked Harry Potter, but I think I might like Percy Jackson better just because I have a keen interest in Greek mythology. And most other mythologies, come to think of it. Another exciting bit of news is the fact that the second season of Merlin is about to begin here, on Sunday evening. I've been waiting on that for ages - I'm totally a Gwen & Arthur 'shipper! :)

Thought for the Day: April 21 2010

2010-04-21T05:55:00.001-07:00

I went to my sister's graduation tonight. She did her Master in Business (Human Resource Management) at Swinburne University. I'm very proud of her, especially because I'm following in her footsteps and her achievements have, subliminally, been kind of a benchmark I've set for myself these past few years. We don't always see eye to eye on a lot of things because our personalities are very different, but I know she has my back and I've got hers, no matter how mad we get at each other. The great thing is, even when we get into really big fights (usually ones where I swear my head off, and I try very hard not to swear in her presence), it usually blows over pretty quickly. I have a short temper but, these days, I find that my periods of anger are pretty brief too. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I'm beginning to realise what a waste of time it is to squander precious moments staying mad at someone you care about for too long. Whatever it is, it's great because I hate having to pretend to be angry at someone when I really just want things to be okay between us. I mean, it's only human to get angry on occasion but dragging it on is just stupid - took me a while to learn, but I've learnt. It's the pride factor, I think. My family has way too much of it sometimes.

We went to eat at a Malaysian restaurant close by to where the graduation ceremony was held after it was over. The restaurant was called Petaling Street; the food wasn't bad, I had combination fried egg noodles with prawns, beef, chicken and BBQ pork, and it was pretty tasty. The best thing about Petaling Street is that they serve cold teh tarik - a luxury for someone like me who doesn't get to savour the taste of my home country very much, or very authentically for that matter. It was nice out tonight; I wore this cute Summer dress I bought which I didn't get to wear during Summer, but it was a warm evening so, paired with a cardigan, it was the perfect choice. I think I turned some heads too, hehe. Some very cute heads at that! :)

Thought for the Day: April 20 2010

2010-04-20T02:43:00.000-07:00

So, I didn't get the job which I interviewed for last week. I'm a little disappointed, but it's not too bad because, firstly, I got positive feedback from the company and, secondly, it was only my first interview. At least I know I'm capable; the only thing that was holding me back is the fact that I haven't got concrete, professional experience. That, apparently, was the only reason I didn't get the job over the other candidate. It's really too late to worry about that now, but I am doing some volunteer administrative work for one of my sister's friends, so hopefully that's going to boost my resume.

Some lessons that have been reinforced for me this week:

Positive self-talk really helps you have a more effective and successful job interview. Taking 10 minutes before an interview to sit quietly in your car and tell yourself you are capable and confident works wonders.
Believing in your own abilities and presenting them in a confident manner transposes that same feeling to prospective employers.
When at first you don't succeed, try again at least 100 times before you give up to defeat. Only then can you say you've done everything you can.

Thought for the Day: April 19 2010

2010-04-19T05:58:00.001-07:00

Today, the Baby-Faced Killer was beaten and suffered a fatal cardiac arrest while serving his life sentence in a maximum security prison. The ongoing saga of the underworld murders in Melbourne has finally drawn to a close. And, I'm sure, a new chapter is set to begin all too soon. When one falls, another always rises. It's a terrifying thought.

Thought for the Day: April 18 2010

2010-04-18T06:32:00.001-07:00

I think I get along better with people who are older than me. I find it awkward talking to most people who are younger than me, even by a few years. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because I feel like I'm too mature for them or they think they're way too cool for me. Whatever it is, it's hard. It's like the relatively small age gap stretches to a few dozen decades of difference. These days, the experiences of those in their early twenties is very different to my own experiences at the same age. Maybe it's different outside Melbourne society, but I think I've had enough encounters with those aged below 25 in this year alone to make that generalisation.

Warm Weekend

2010-04-16T21:17:00.000-07:00

It's a warm, sunny Saturday afternoon in mid-April, Autumn for all those who live below the equator. I believe it's actually 27 degrees outside. I just came in from hanging out my laundry and my cheeks feel slightly aflame from their exposure to the sun. Melbourne is, and probably always will be, an anomaly like this. The entire week was bitterly cold, then yesterday and again today the temperature's been pretty damn toasty. I'm not really complaining though, because I happen to love clear, blue skies, sunshine and warmth. It's just one of the quirks of living in my home city. You either hate or love Melbourne, but one thing you can't deny is that the weather never ceases to amaze.

Tonight I'm going out to dinner with my dad. Let me reiterate that, I'm being forced to go to dinner with my dad. Now I don't have a problem eating with the parent, but he's dragging me along to a dinner he's having with his friends, all at least 20 years older than me and who I have no connection to whatsoever. I'm only a backup plan because my older sister bailed on him. This is going to be interesting, because I don't hold one of his friends in very high esteem. Why? He is very opinionated, but he can't hack it if you voice your own opinions and it offends him. Rule of thumb for those who like to spout off at the mouth about their views - you gotta be able to take what you dish out. If you expect people to listen to your crap, you gotta listen to theirs without having a hissy fit.

A part of me wishes I didn't have to go tonight because then I'd be able to raid Icecrown Citadel with my WoW guild. I've decided that after I've accumulated almost full epic healing gear I'm going to switch over from DPS to full-time healing for the interim. I've already purchased my dual specialisation, and I'm just waiting on a healing shield, bracers and a trinket. Then I have to actually do a trial run as a healer because I think I'm totally out of practice.

Oh yes, my job interview on Tuesday. I felt like it went okay. I wasn't too nervous, I was able to answer their questions in what I feel was a mostly coherent manner and they seemed quite responsive to me. However, it was only my first job interview so I don't have any grand illusions about it. If I get the job it would be a great learning opportunity and if I don't, well it was good experience for future job interviews. I'll just keep hoping that the other jobs I've applied to will see potential in my applications too.

Tomorrow night we're going to have a family steam boat at my house. Looking forward to it...

Music for the Moment: The Temper Trap - Love Lost

2010-04-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

So, this is shameful. I'm Australian, right? No, not even just Australian, I'm specifically a Melbournian; have been for 20 out of 25 years of my life. And I almost always have absolutely no idea what's going on in my own city. I suppose that's just typical me. A lostie by nature.

Where am I leading with this? I've just discovered The Temper Trap, a band hailing from none other than Melbourne, Australia! They've been around for at least a year or more and I've only noticed them now. Maybe it's because I hardly ever listen to the radio any more since most of the music created these days just makes me very, very sad. Hence, I like to live in the past where most of the greatest music that will ever be made has, in fact, already been made.

But I digress. I don't know what it is about The Temper Trap's music that attracts me to their sound. It might be the ethereal quality of their instrumentals combined with the impressive falsetto of the lead singer that does it for me. Makes their songs sound...epic. I can just imagine what it would be like to listen to them live. They've also got a lot of drum work going on, and since I aspire to learn the drums one day soon...well, I guess it's just a whole combination of things really. The first song of theirs I'd heard in passing was Sweet Disposition which, I believe, was also part of the latest Ministry of Sound Chillout Sessions album. I think it's also the backing track for an ad on TV here. The song that really got me hooked is Love Lost. You know, sometimes you hear a song, read a book or watch a television show and then there's just something unexplainable about it that draws you in? That's kind of what happened to me.

Sadly, I will not be able to see them live any time this year since I've jumped on the bandwagon really late and all the tickets to their upcoming performance in Melbourne were sold out on the first day of release. I know there've been some very enterprising people who have bought tickets, which are $59AUD a pop, and are selling them for more than double the price on eBay Australia. Don't we all love people like that?

I just went out to JB Hi-Fi today and bought their album Conditions which has both Love Lost and Sweet Disposition on it. I'm 50/50 on the songs after an initial listen. Of course, I really like Love Lost and Sweet Disposition, and another song called Fader has a groovy beat, but I think it might take some more listening to really dig the rest of the album. Music's always like that with me. I think I don't like it but once I listen to it more, I realise I actually really love it.

Anyway, I'm going to leave you with one of my favourite YouTube videos of a live version of Love Lost - enjoy!

Easter Weekend photos and stuff

2010-04-12T06:56:00.000-07:00

On Easter Weekend, I went down to the country with my sister, her fiancé and his cousin. The weather was beautiful and the scenery was picturesque. It's given me the urge to explore more of my locale before turning my eyes towards overseas destinations. So much treasure to be found in my very own "backyard", so to speak and much easier to access. We covered Sale, Lakes Entrance, Metung, Loch Sport and Golden Beach. I seriously love being by the water and, one day, I hope to be able to buy a house near a lake or beach and live there for the rest of my days. Plus, I find the atmosphere of water environments conducive to writing, which is and always will be my first love.

Here are a few pictures:

Tomorrow I have the first job interview I've been called for since I started looking for work almost 2 months ago! I swear, the state the economy's in right now makes it extremely difficult for people with little experience, like myself, to get a foot in the door. But this is a positive sign and I hope and pray that it will have a positive outcome. I know it's only my first interview, but I am so ready to work already! I just have to breathe and think before speaking and I'll be fine. It's just the nerves that get the better of me. I know I'm smart and capable, I don't suffer from false modesty, so now I just have to let them know how smart and capable I can be for them. Easy, right? Riight...

No doubt, I'll update about the experience after it's over.

So, what's up with me?

2010-03-30T05:05:00.000-07:00

Just a random update. I've been so lazy to blog lately. I've got a bunch of stuff to show off, mostly purchases I got in the mail, lol. It's just a matter of having the motivation to do it. I've been twittering heaps with my fellow Cristina/Owen fans, who are a very lively bunch. I'm enjoying the debating and squabbling among us all, hehe. I went from having 13 followers to 50, and from 100 something tweets to almost a thousand in just under a month - all from a 'ship obsession. It's scary.

Anyway, something else that's sucking up my time is the fact that I've reinstated my World of Warcraft account. Power leveled my Paladin from 75 to 80 in 2 days, on rested exp of course, and now I'm enjoying doing countless random dungeons. I love that Blizzard implemented that. It beats sitting around waiting in Ironforge, like back in the old days. I've already accumulated enough acceptable gear to unlock some of the Heroic dungeons and I've been level 80 for less than 12 hours!

I'll be back with something of more substance next time. My head kind of hurts from waking up too early and spending the entire day busy doing something or other. I had to go to the jobseeker network place to apply for jobs. I have to say, I'm actually making some progress now; I'm not being rejected by everyone and I'm actually getting some interest in me. I hope this means things are looking up!

Okay, until next time...

"The Rocker Girl" faux leather jacket from Dainty Little Blog Shop

2010-03-11T01:21:00.000-08:00

So, I received my package from Dainty Little Blog Shop. As I stated in an earlier post, I bought two things, a dress and a PU leather jacket. The dress is just your basic, black maxi dress so I won't be showcasing it. The item I was more excited about was the jacket, which sold out pretty fast as soon as it became available on their website.

The size on the tag says it's an 'M', for medium I'm assuming. As was expected, it is on the smaller side (unless you are a skinny mini) but still fits me quite well - I prefer the fitted look when it comes to leather anyhow. For faux leather, it's pretty nice quality and there was no bad smell to the material. I like the gathering detail around the waist, I think it makes the jacket look a little more feminine and unique. The zip detailing on the left breast and the gold-toned buttons at the wrist cuffs are quite nice finishing touches. The lining is not much to speak of, it's just your standard black, cotton/poly blend. It's a pretty thin jacket, so it's probably best worn during warmer months, such as late Spring or early Autumn, and maybe chilly Summer nights. Anyway, I will let my pictures do most of my talking.

For the price I paid, which was 58RM (approx. $19AUD or $17.50USD), I'm quite happy with it. Even the dress, which I paid 50RM for (approx. $16.40AUD or $15USD), appears to be made of heavy, good quality cotton which also makes me happy. Overall, another happy shopping experience with Dainty Little Blog Shop.

And the search goes on and on.

2010-03-10T03:20:00.000-08:00

Today I received two rejection emails. After reading them, I felt more depressed than was warranted. Technically, I haven't even gone through half the soul-crushing experience that job search, apparently, is. Maybe after I've applied for 100 and have been rejected by all, then I will be allowed to let a tiny bit of doubt and despair creep into my mind.

It's so funny, it's almost tragic. I am so ready and raring to work, and I am capable of being a really excellent and dedicated worker (yes, even though I am lazy by nature, my attitude when working in a professional setting is something different altogether), all I need is an opportunity to gain some experience. Will someone give it to me? I really hope so, because if everyone is so hell-bent on not handing out chances, then my future looks bleak. Very bleak. It actually irks me to hear my friends complain so much about HAVING a job. Sure, working is a drag because, well, it's WORK. But, staying home all day and having nothing more useful to do than twiddle your thumbs, or be made into a slave by your older sister, is worse by far. Sure, I can laze around, read all the books I want, play games...do whatever the hell I want. The only thing I want, though, is to utilise all this knowledge I've been accumulating for six long years. Or, at least, exert my energies into something productive and useful to society.

I've expanded my horizons to include more volunteer work as well, if they'll have me that is. Even if it is unpaid work, at least I'll get some satisfaction out of doing something that is helping someone else, especially someone who is less fortunate than me. I know, I sound like a huge, whiny kid but not having a job is really killing me now that I'm no longer at school. I feel so restless. I just need something to do that gets me out of the house, that gets me to use my brains, that gets me to interact with other people outside my extremely small circle of friendship and acquaintance. I feel like I'm stagnating and I'm too young to be stagnating already.

I suppose tomorrow is another day, and one rejection opens the door to another opportunity. I have to keep on believing that I'm going to get there, that someone will see the potential in me and give me a chance. I always say, from out of the mind comes reality, so if I just keep believing (and of course make the effort to apply endlessly) getting a job is going to happen sooner or later.

*crossing my fingers* I'm praying really hard that it will happen by the end of this month.

NOTD: OPI Tickle My France-y

2010-03-07T23:05:00.000-08:00

A quick beauty-related post, since I haven't done one of those in a while.

I just finished my latest manicure. I'm beginning to hate the look of my nails bare, which is bad because I'm too lazy to upkeep them most of the time. I guess this would be a good time to stop being so damned lazy.

Anyway, OPI Tickle My France-y is probably my favourite nude polish. I've got Essie Eternal Optimist as well, which is meant to be quite similar, but I find it a little too...pink-toned for me. I should get a backup of Tickle My France-y soon. It looks super classy and sophisticated on, probably a good shade for when you're going for that job interview. Or want a subtle, but elegant, look.

Waiting on Mr. Postman and other miscellaneous things

2010-03-07T03:58:00.000-08:00

I've got some stuff coming in the mail soon. I think a large part of why I buy things online is due to the joy of getting a package in the mail. Of course, I like what I buy too, but that feeling of anticipation is kind of thrilling. Weird, but I am certain a lot of people know exactly what I mean.

Most of it is handmade jewellery I've purchased from various places - these are the packages I'm most excited to receive. After browsing through the wares of several people, it's kind of inspired me to pick up a little jewellery making of my own. I'd pretty much only be making simple stuff for my own personal use, I doubt I'd ever get good enough to go down an elaborate and unique path to professionalism. We'll see though. I always get these bugs in my brain, but rarely do I stay interested long enough to commit to them properly. I purchased a few things from the very popular and talented Stephanie of DSK Jewelry LLC, and from another talented Stephanie of Julu Jewelry. I will post pictures once I receive my goodies.

I bought more clothing from this online blog shop based in Malaysia, it's called Dainty Little Blog Shop. I received my first package from them (which I was and still am too lazy to blog about) and I'm pretty happy about the quality of the clothing, so when I saw some of their new stock up I wasn't as hesitant to purchase more. Plus, with the exchange rate between Australia and Malaysia being the way it is, it isn't such a big deal. Here are the two things I just purchased:

Images courtesy of Dainty Little Blog Shop

I've been looking for a black maxi-dress and the pleather jacket looked kinda cool (not to mention it was a total sell-out), and I've been wanting a leather-look jacket for a while. Looking forward to receiving them, I will definitely post pictures this time.

Lastly, I purchased a second-hand copy of the first BioShock game for PC from eBay. I quite liked the second game, and I saw that the reviews for the first game were even better. Looking forward to playing another FPS game now. I'm really getting into them, I've almost finished Modern Warfare 2. It's scary how engrossed I get in the game while I'm playing.

So, I've been watching and re-watching a lot of Grey's Anatomy for the last week. Again. I need to get addicted to another show. Or something more productive - like writing that book I keep saying I'm going to write. I find it rather strange, though slightly compelling, how analytical people can be when recapping episodes. I think I'm going to make another blog where I jot down my thoughts about Grey's because I think I am one of those analytical types. Not that anyone would read them, but it would just be a way for me to release my frustrations or whatever somewhere.

Well, that's my post for the day. Not very meaningful, but that's my life for you at the moment, lol.

More job applications and thoughts on my personal process

2010-03-01T05:09:00.000-08:00

I'm bored, very awake and kind of wired, so I thought I'd type a post up for the hell of it.

I completed another job application today. The position is for a volunteer HR administrator at World Vision Australia. I've always kind of wanted to volunteer my time and effort to a good cause, and this seems like a great opportunity to do that and get some work experience at the same time. Well, in the hopes that I get the job anyway. Right now, any form of employment related to my field of "expertise" would be welcome. I'm ready and raring to work, even though I hear all the miserable stories my friends have of their Monday morning woes. When you've been cooped up in the house endlessly, watching others leave for work every morning, it gets old. Really fast. I have all this information in my brain that needs to be applied. What the hell did I spend $40,000AUD studying at University for then? Staying at home is making me lazy and stupid, and although I am lazy by nature I don't like feeling stupid! I am intelligent damn it, I just need someone to give me a chance. How am I supposed to get experience when no one is willing to give me a chance?

Hmmm...deviated into a bit of a rant there. But it's the truth. Job hunting is so frustrating because you basically set yourself up to fail when you're in my position. My work experience in my chosen field is almost non-existent. But I'm going to remain positive and believe in the good-natured hearts of others and, hopefully, I'll be able to get a job by month's end. Or even several job interviews at least. That would give me more hope than this terrible silence.

I'm also applying for a graduate programme that just opened up. I applied last year in a really half-arsed fashion, so I wasn't surprised at all when I got the rejection email. But this year I'm going to give it 200%. It sounds like a great programme; they put you on rotations and seem to have a very thorough training schedule set out. The biggest perk? You start on $53,000+AUD with a chance for a pay rise if you get promoted after the program is over. Honestly though, I'd be happy even if the sum was lower. I just want to get into the programme so I can get some good, formal workplace training. I'm the kind of person who learns best when I'm shown the ropes thoroughly and am mentored well.

This sounds corny, but I just watched Disney's The Princess and the Frog so it's in my head. There's a scene where a young Tiana (the "princess") wishes on a star and her father tells her that wishing can only bring you part of the way but you need to put in the hard yards to reach your goals. It's only common sense, right? But just hearing it again, said aloud, put things into perspective for me. I definitely don't work hard enough at the moment. I need to change my focus.

Okay, enough introspection for the present.

Job apps, girl-crushes and shoot 'em up games...

2010-02-28T07:02:00.001-08:00

I just finished a job application and am now typing, at 2am, in the dark which is probably not a good idea but here I am anyway. Job applications are tedious and there's not even a guarantee that you'll get rewarded for your efforts (i.e. sometimes they don't even have the courtesy of telling you you've been rejected). Anyway, I guess I'm going to have to do a whole lot more of these before I can even hope for an interview. Fun.

I caught the tail end of the winter Olympics in Vancouver. I'm usually into snow sports but, for some reason, I didn't really have the motivation to watch the games this time. However, I'm glad I got to watch the women's figure skating. Yu-na Kim was majestic! I mean, figure skating in itself mesmerises me, but Yu-na is a goddess on ice, seriously. Plus, her delicate beauty is just so fitting for how beautifully she moves across the ice. No, I'm not a lesbian, I can just appreciate feminine beauty, okay?

So elegant!

I've been playing BioShock 2 for the entire weekend. I think I'm slowly getting into first-person shooter games. I've never been an FPS type, I think I've always thought of them as games for the boys. I played it on easy-mode to get used to the whole FPS system. I think I'm going to try it on medium difficulty next, or move on to Modern Warfare 2. Damn it, when I get hooked onto something...it gets scary.

Lastly, how gorgeous does Sandra Oh look in the dress she wore to the 41st NAACP Awards?

Images courtesy of Sandra Oh News

I've noticed that there are certain people out there who make comments about how she's ugly. Some have even gone so far as to give very elaborate insults towards Ms. Oh's features. You know who and what I think is ugly? People who so deliberately take the time to describe just how ugly a person physically is.

I don't think she is ugly at all, for that matter. I respect her for being an outstanding actress and I am very appreciative of her unique looks. Sure, she isn't Grace Kelly but I think she is also beautiful in her own way, especially when her personality shines through. She seems to be a very joyful person when I've watched her in interviews, and I find that that adds to her overall attractiveness.

So all you haters, whatever.

Images courtesy of Sandra Oh News

I love her hair when it's curly like that. It looks so...girly and cute. I wish my hair could hold a curl...sigh. Oh, and her skin is freaking awesome. So clear and luminous...sigh, again.

I have a girl-crush on Korean women. Oh hell...they are cuties after all, lol.

Song for the moment: Set Adrift on Memory Bliss by P.M. Dawn (1991)

2010-02-21T04:54:00.000-08:00

You know those times when you're so hooked on a particular song you listen to it on repeat endlessly? Well, that's what's happening with me and Set Adrift on Memory Bliss by P.M. Dawn. I've LOVED this song ever since I first heard it, about 18 years ago! When I consider how much time has passed by since I first heard a lot of my favourite songs, it makes me feel so OLD. By the way, Spandau Ballet probably created one of the most awesome hooks ever.

In other news, my eldest sister (who I live with) is going to Fiji tomorrow to be with my brother-in-law for her birthday, which is on the 27th of this month. Now, most people who know me personally also know that I have a pretty dysfunctional family. We all kind of live on edge with each other. When you are one of six children it's bound to happen, especially when our entire family life hasn't exactly been what you could call "normal". The age gap (there's 15 years between me and my eldest sister and 5 years between me and the sister just before me) also isn't exactly conducive to mutual understanding in most situations.

All that being said, I still love each and every one of my brothers and sisters. When you get older, you learn to appreciate the ties you have with your family. There's a certain bond there that you just can't find anywhere else, with anyone else, in my personal opinion. However, it's a relief to get a break from the eldest - she tends to act like she's our mother at the most inopportune of times. Let's just say that when that happens, there tends to be a whole lot of silent treatment and hiding out in one's room.

This and that

2010-02-19T04:37:00.000-08:00

My plans to slim down before my sister's wedding in September aren't going well at all. I've managed to maintain my weight after losing a couple of kilos, but the weight loss has plateaued. Of course, that could be because I'm not exactly watching what I eat, neither am I being very active. Too much time spent vegging out in front of the television, watching Grey's Anatomy, which leads to very bad snacking habits. Next weekend we're going to order the bridesmaid dresses, hopefully I won't have ballooned up too badly before then. I'm already having to wear an embarrassingly large size due to the fact that I was born with a man-sized rib cage and have a bust line which is not suitable for boob-squashing dresses. I'm going to get back to some semblance of discipline starting next week, though. I still have six months left to go, and 7 kilos to lose. It's doable.

I've been pretty naughty with my spending recently. My recent purchases have all been mostly online. I bought a few handmade jewellery pieces and some dresses. I'll blog more about these once I've received them. I seriously need to get cracking on the job hunting, I've been far too indolent on that front for my own liking. I need to get out of this mindset that I'm always going to fail, I think. The way the economic climate is and the competitiveness amongst fellow jobseekers causes me some massive anxiety issues, and when things get hard I tend to do some serious shutting down.

I'm really looking forward to the release of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland on March 4. I've been hanging out to watch that movie since around April last year when I saw the leaked trailer. I love Tim Burton movies, I love Johnny Depp and I quite like the original Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass book by Lewis Carroll - so this is a pretty perfect set up for me. I think I will also give Shutter Island a go, I quite like Leonardo DiCaprio these days. His baby-faced days just didn't do it for me, although I quite enjoyed his performance in Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet. Plus, from watching the trailer it appears to be some sort of psychological thriller, and I love me some of those. Another movie I can't wait to watch is the remake of Clash of the Titans. I liked the original, which was released in 1981, but of course the special effects are lacking in that one. Sam Worthington is playing the lead role of Perseus, and ever since I saw him in Avatar I've become a fan. He's Australian too, so I guess it's a sense of pride for the talent being produced by the *home* country.

Off to sleep, but I'm not sure whether it's possible. My neighbour, whose sole parent is apparently away from home, has invited her loud and obnoxious friends over for a party. I am pretty sure they are inebriated which has lead to a lot of irritatingly loud screaming, cursing and bad, bad, bad sing-a-longs with the poppy music they're blaring. To top it all off, they insist on doing all this OUTSIDE the house and it's already almost 1am. I will say no more on the issue because then I'd probably start sounding like a bigot with my criticisms against certain stereotypes who display such behaviour in this great country of ours.

Maybe I'll save that for next time...

Rant: Grey's Anatomy and the Teddy issue

2010-02-18T05:50:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm going to rant about a television show. Yes, you read right. I've got to vent my frustrations somewhere. Now you get to experience another aspect of my quirky nature, especially when I am entirely too obsessed/invested in something as tacky as a television show.

So, basically, I've watched Season 5, and what's been aired of Season 6, of Grey's Anatomy ad nauseam for the past week. I might venture into earlier seasons at some point, although I'm pretty sure that, right now, the one thing about the show that's holding my attention is the relationship between Sandra Oh's character, Cristina Yang, and Kevin McKidd's character, Owen Hunt. It's the main reason I started watching the show in earnest anyway. It's even cutting into my first love - NCIS. I've watched Seasons 3 through 6 so many times I can quote the lines while watching the episodes. Sad, yes, but that's just me. Mostly, it's because I love the Tony and Ziva interaction, but Gibbs, McGee, Abby and Ducky never fail to entertain me too.

So, the Grey's writers introduced this recurring character (who has now become permanent) called Teddy Altman, played by Kim Raver (24, Lipstick Jungle). She's a cardiothoracic surgical attending Owen brought in for Cristina, who's been lacking a real (and stable) mentor since Burke left. So Teddy and Owen have a history together, being that they both served in Iraq as medics. To cut a long story short, Teddy is basically a dramatic plot device to cause upheaval in a relationship which is already as fraught with problems as it is with passion. Being Grey's, it's a requirement that drama has to ensue around every relationship before it can settle down. However, the love that the writers so blatantly and publicly show for this character (Teddy) is causing me to believe she is not so much a plot device as a *replacement* for Cristina.

This kind of upsets me for two different reasons. Firstly, contrary to the belief of some people out there, I think the chemistry between Sandra Oh and Kevin McKidd is pretty astronomical. I mean, I could sense it from watching them in a 30 second scene (which involved no touching and vague dialogue), before I even knew they were supposed to be involved on the show. It was that spark that I saw between them that inspired me to "investigate" this series and continue to watch on. They built up this whole tortured, against-all-odds and tragically beautiful love story around Cristina and Owen in Season 5 - a weakness of my hopelessly romantic heart. I don't know what is in the writer's heads, but I keep holding on to the thought that they can't be so fickle as to just let all that groundwork go down the drain because some new character they created, and happen to *love* so much, comes stomping their way into the show.

Kim Raver does have chemistry with Kevin McKidd AND Sandra Oh, so I don't mind that she's involved in their story line, but as "the other woman"? I think Cristina deserves better than that, and I also think Sandra Oh deserves better than that. She is probably one of the better actors on the show, meaning no disrespect to any of the others because I really like most of the other main cast, but there's a marked difference when an episode lacks her presence. That brings me to the second reason. Sandra Oh is so much better than this, having to act in this pathetic attempt to create unnecessary drama and make viewers like a character who is so unlikeable (Teddy). Especially when she's invested so much of herself and her character into the relationship with Owen. I feel sorry for Kim Raver, she seems like a nice person, but associating her with the character of Teddy kind of makes me resent the actress as well. It's not her fault, it's really the writers' fault for trying to thrust their own love of the character upon those who are already unwilling, but not doing much to actually make the character loveable in the least. When they do manage to make Teddy appealing, which I will admit they have for me at times, they ruin it by writing in some ridiculous dialogue which makes you want to hate her all over again. Is that what they're hoping to achieve? I'm not certain.

Some people will be glad that Teddy is here because they hate Cristina, and I will admit that Cristina is not an easy character to like. But there is plenty to love about her, and I think her character development has been excellent, along with the characters of Meredith Grey and Alex Karev. People just don't get that these characters come in a "package", they play off one another and each of their individual quirks is what brings that awesome chemistry between them as colleagues and friends. It's what brings the drama. After an entire season of lonely and grumpy Cristina (i.e. after Burke left her at the altar), and another season of heartache and uncertainty (though it did have its sweet moments) I think the character is entitled to some simple happiness, minus the overarching drama. Just like Mer and Derek.

For my part, I say Teddy can stay, but I can't agree with trying to make us love her. Some people find affinity with her, but many won't. I'm on the fence because I'm still willing to give her a chance, even though certain scenes make me feel like regurgitating dinner. If it doesn't work out with Owen and Cristina, I hope the writers pair her up with someone else who they are able to keep her with...maybe the sexy Jackson Avery, with whom she shared a very hot, albeit stolen, kiss? They're like two peas in a pod, for one thing, and they're both badasses. Come on! Kevin McKidd is sexy in that manly way, but if they're going to write his character as an ass then I can forgo all that for some dark-skinned, light-eyed, cute-smiling hotness.

End of rant. Resume normal, quasi-sane, program.

New Obsession: Grey's Anatomy and Major McManly

2010-02-12T20:52:00.000-08:00

I have a new love, or obsession rather, and it's called Grey's Anatomy.

I know a lot of people have loved this TV show for years, but it never really got my attention - until now. I must say, I've always liked the Cristina Yang character. There's something about the way that Sandra Oh portrays her which I find hilarious and cringe-worthy at the same time. Reminds me of the way I can be sometimes; that is, slightly tactless, brash and with foot-in-mouth tendencies. I'm also quite a big fan of the character Miranda Bailey, who is a pocket rocket that can make the simplest dialogue sound sharp. I also really like Callie Torres, I find her tendency to wear her heart on her sleeve, which then leads to her tendency to say more than she should to her peers, seriously endearing. If I ever decided to bat for the other team, I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend like her, lol.

But I am 100% heterosexual, which is a shame because there are so many beautiful women out there. Hence, there is enticement of the male kind that has drawn me to the ever dramatic scenes in Seattle Grace. And here he is:

Major (Dr.) Owen Hunt (who has been nicknamed Major McManly by some), played by the sexy Scotsman Kevin McKidd. I don't know what I find so attractive about him. Surely he is a handsome man, in a rugged kind of way. But I think it's the fact that Kevin McKidd looks so utterly masculine, yet the character of Owen Hunt is so deliciously tortured and emotional. I'm usually the kind of girl who goes for the pretty boy type, but I think I've been converted to the sensitive, brawny hunk. It might be a sign that I'm getting older and am now in the quest for a real man rather than an overgrown boy, haha. Who knows?

Anyway, I just got the Season 5 DVD yesterday and I am hooked. I've also been watching the Season 6 episodes they've been airing on television here recently, it looks promising and, certainly, highly dramatic in many ways. I am a supporter of the Owen and Cristina relationship, like many others are. I don't know why, but they have explosive on-screen chemistry even though they look like a completely oddball couple. I am also kind of a Sloan and Torres shipper - they are so adorable together, it's a shame her character has become more attracted to women for the present.

Well, I'll stop there before I start gushing like a maniac, which I tend to do when the obsession is still at fever pitch proportions. All I can say is that, for some reason, Grey's Anatomy has become much more interesting to watch in recent times. From the beginning of Season 5, to be precise. At least for me, lol.

Restaurant Review: +39 Pizzeria & Degustation

2010-02-08T19:22:00.000-08:00

This is the first time I've reviewed a restaurant, I don't think it will be a common occurrence but I thought it would be interesting to throw one in now and then, especially when I go to places with repaste I'm not entirely familiar with.

On the weekend, my friends and I went to this restaurant on Little Bourke Street called +39 Pizzeria & Degustation.

Image courtesy of TheAge.com.au

As my friend explained to me, +39 is the country code for Italy, hence the name. The food was good, nothing that special though. They serve authentic Italian mozzarella, the white kind not the yellow stuff they sell in plastic at supermarkets, as part of their degustation menu and also in one of their pizza selections. The degustation version is served with cherry tomatoes, and you can also opt to have some toasted focaccia bread (which I would highly recommend, because the cheese is rather thick and creamy and needs something other than the tomatoes to offset this). I read on Wikipedia that degustation means something along the lines of sampling small portions of all a chef's signature dishes in one sitting, or it could also mean sampling a selection of cheeses. This place offers degustation in the latter manner.

They have all kinds of unique pizzas (well, unique to me because I eat the pretty stock standard westernised pizza toppings most of the time). I especially liked this one pizza I ate which had artichoke, ham, mushrooms and olives (the name escapes me) and another which had Italian sausage, I think that one was called Salsiccia(sp?). The dessert was pretty nice too. We shared a non-baked Tiramisu and strawberry Pannacotta, both delicious.

It's a pretty small place, but it wasn't too crowded when we went there, although I'm sure there are times when it does. It is a bit on the pricey side, but I guess it was a good experience in terms of trying unfamiliar cuisine. Would I go back there? Perhaps, but not very often at that price.

I'd probably give it 3.5/5. Good but not GREAT food, nice atmosphere, but a little pricey for the kind of food you're getting. I guess that's what eating in the CBD entails.

Death: Do you have the right to choose?

2010-02-02T04:43:00.001-08:00

While watching a random television program on the ABC channel, I came across the news that Terry Pratchett (who was introduced to me by my ex and has since become quite a favourite of mine) spoke up for people having the right to request assisted death (i.e. euthanasia). I think I can sort of understand his point of view after reading an excerpt from his speech. Most people who are interested in him and his writing would probably know that he has a form of early, onset Alzheimer's disease. I guess that, from his personal point of view and from his personal experiences with death, he believes that people have a right to a logical and methodical decision to choose when they die, if they suffer from a disease that medicine can only stave off but never cure.

The question of whether people can choose to die has always been kind of taboo in much of greater society, especially Western Christianised societies. Personally, I am neutral about it. If God has something to say to you regarding your decisions, it's going to be between only you and Him, and it's not really anyone else's business. But I guess when someone who commands so much respect for what he does, and is also someone who you hold in high esteem, speaks so frankly about choosing to die, and so nonchalantly sets the scene for the event, it kind of makes you wonder. Mortality is something which, I think, we have become desensitised towards now that it has become so commonplace in our lives; mostly through our media culture and the constant wars which plague our world.

Just my thoughts for the day.

The summer is fading, January is ending...

2010-01-30T23:40:00.000-08:00

It's the last day of January, so I thought I'd put up a token update. So what's been happening?

It was Australia Day on Jan 26th. I celebrated by going to a friend's BBQ and hanging out there for about 10 hours. It was good fun. We ate BBQ'd lamb and an assortment of other cuisine, hung out and chatted, met some guys who were hilarious and totally on my level in terms of conversation, ate some more and then rounded the night off with dessert (mini cheesecakes made by my big sister, lol) and card games. I haven't had that much fun in ages.
On Thursday I went with a friend of mine to, firstly, get her Divison 2 Nursing registration sorted out. It was a lot more complicated than I thought it would be. Needless to say, due to that monster called bureaucracy flashing its evil red tape, a whole heap of shenanigans ensued and registration has, as of today, still not occurred. Sometimes it's extremely stupid how formalised systems work, but I guess they are there for a reason. Afterwards, we went to check out the "new" Chadstone Shopping Centre. Nothing really flash, just that they added a whole heap of bloody expensive stores (Louis Vuitton, Tiffany's, Chanel, Prada, etc). I didn't buy much because I'm broke, but I did pick up a MAC Feline Kohl Power eyeliner which has been repromoted with some collection they've just released (the name has escaped me), a pair of PJ bottoms from Peter Alexander which were on sale for $15 and a black shirt from Esprit which was reduced to $50. We also went to KoKo Black, where I'm pretty sure the iced chocolate was on the verge of giving me diabetes - delicious, though.
On Friday night I went to the same friend's house for dinner, movies and random mayhem. One of our other friends also came along to join in with the festivities. We ended up eating dinner, snacking on chocolate, fruit and cake, and playing Gin Rummy all night long. Boy, were we a competitive trio. I also managed to catch some of the tennis; it was a match between Jo Wilfried Tsonga and Roger Federer. I was expecting a bit more of a fight, but Fed flew through it in three quick sets. Just like he did tonight in the final against Andy Murray, although Andy actually managed to produce some quality tennis in the third set and almost made a fourth set happen.
Lastly, I just made an impulse purchase (well, not really, since I've been researching, reading reviews and even went to try on my size at the store today) on eBay. What did I purchase? Well, I'm sure it's obvious that it is something that is meant to be worn. And here it is:

Skechers Shape Ups - probably the most gimmicky shoe out there right now, but I'm all about the gimmicks, no matter how stupid they are (I'll have to remember to post up pictures of my new Star Wars Edition Stormtrooper Adidas sneakers). If I like how the product looks, I'll believe just about anything if it justifies my purchase of it. Plus, these remind me of a pair of Skechers I used to own back in my early highschool days. My favourite shoes for a long time, if I recall correctly.

These are classified as "fitness" shoes which supposedly promote weight loss, help you tone up your legs and ass, and improve your posture, etc. I don't know if it is right to market the fact that a mere SHOE can achieve all that stuff, but hey, what the heck?If we're honest with ourselves, the fact is we'll believe whatever we want to believe and we'll buy what we want to buy based on our beliefs, whether or not what is advertised about a product turns out to be accurate or not. You can actually purchase them locally in Melbourne at various stores, although an actual Skechers store has much more variety. But they go for a ridiculously overpriced $229.95AUD here, whereas they are priced between $80-100USD! What the hell?! Talk about Australia being an opportunistic, capitalist vampire of a country. I purchased mine for $141+AUD including shipping on eBay - and they wonder why money goes out of the country instead of into it. The biggest motivation for buying these shoes? Cuteness factor. Some people think they look weird and ugly, I reckon they are adorable. If they help me slim down too, that would be an awesome bonus. I can't wait until I receive them.

And I guess that just about sums up the most eventful things in my life of late. I'm starting to appreciate single life more, I think. Sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes I'm still pretty sad, and at other times I still feel like there isn't any point to life, but not so much as I used to and I'm pretty glad for that. I've stopped blaming myself and thinking I need to be little miss perfect for some man to want me. You know what? I kind of like myself. Maybe even love myself sometimes. I don't think it's such a bad thing.

Until next time...

The new guy

2010-01-14T07:04:00.001-08:00

I am officially intrigued by another guy. Not sure whether this is a good or bad thing. Can't say for certain I'm *quite* over the other one, but he's become more like an irritating itch that I refuse to scratch.

Not like anything's going to happen with this one. I don't think it will anyway. He's too perky for the inherent cloud of gloom I am, among other more pressing obstacles.

But who knows? Stranger things have happened.

"Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes..."

I love you Brandon Boyd, there's always something you sing which speaks to me.

2:00am chatter...random and incoherent. I'm going to relish it while I can.

Sunday at the beach

2010-01-10T04:44:00.001-08:00

Today was spent at the beach; Anglesea beach to be specific. It's located somewhere in south-eastern Victoria, heading in the direction of Geelong and towards the Great Ocean Road. We could have gone to Torquay, which is along the same road, but we wanted to go somewhere less crowded (and less populated with teens and tweens, I guess), and Anglesea was the perfect option.

It was a beautiful day today; perfectly clear, blue skies, hot but with a cool breeze. Today was the first time I've had a proper visit to the beach (i.e. in my bathers, to swim and sunbathe) in years. And yes, I was able to don a bikini and walk around in it without shame. I am well aware that I am not exactly svelte, but I am over feeling like I need to look "perfect" to go to the beach. Or to go anywhere for that matter. I'm pretty sure I looked attractive enough, judging by the number of glances I got. I'm currently trying to eat more healthily and be more active, and I'm sure I'll see results in time but I'm not going to beat myself up about how I look in the meantime.

Anyway, I spent the day with an old friend of mine from Uni days who I don't get to see as often as I used to, along with a male friend of her's who she had also invited. I think she invited a whole heap of other people too, but I'm kind of glad most of them declined because I really hate hanging out in large crowds of people I'm not familiar with. I'm not anti-social, I just prefer small groups when I'm just beginning to get to know everyone; it's more conducive to effective interaction, I find.

The three of us sat around in the shallow pools littered across the beach while the tide was still low, also because the temperature wasn't quite hot enough for us to brave the icy spray of the waves. Later, as the sun peaked and began warming up in earnest, we decided to "catch some waves" and swim. Thankfully, the water wasn't as salt-ridden as some of the other beaches I've visited. Afterwards, we indulged in some sunbathing. I swear I reapplied my sunscreen but, for some unknown reason, I still managed to burn the upper portion of my back! Fears of melanoma creep into my mind, but oh well...me going out into the sun to get a tan is about as common as sighting a Tasmanian Tiger anyway.

In short, I had an excellent day at the beach. I got to spend time with an old friend and a new one, it was fun, relaxing and it was even beneficial to the condition of my skin! (i.e. I have now attained a beautiful, glowing complexion (albeit a few existing blemishes) from my day in the sun!) What more could I ask for?

Friday night shenanigans

2010-01-08T18:05:00.000-08:00

Last night, I went to a night club called CQ in the city to celebrate my friend's 25th birthday with her. I was warned, prior to arriving, that CQ is a "meat market", and that description was really not far off the mark. As soon as I entered the place with two of my other friends who I had come with, we were stared at, sized up, and then glanced at lingeringly as we walked across the floor to the adjoining restaurant where our other friends were waiting. I think that was the case every time we walked anywhere in that place. Personally, I saw no talent, but then again I never really find members of the opposite sex who attract me in those kinds of settings. I always imagine them to be perverted or sleazy, or looking for a "good time" and I'm not really into that.

Anyway, the three of us left early because there was some drama that occurred at the beginning of the night involving one of the girls in our party being kicked out and 3/4 of the others following her out, despite the fact she wasn't really the whole point of why they were actually there. Needless to say, the birthday girl was upset and we spent most of the time sitting around, or dancing to crappy music on our own.

The real fun stuff happened when we arrived back at my friend's house, where we had met up to go to the club together. After a cup of chai tea, some tandoori-marinated chicken breast and random conversation (mostly venting about the ex on my part), my friend, let's call her Sheila, decided she wanted to take the ring she had forced on her finger at the beginning of the night off. Now, it was a warm night last night and the club was sweltering hot, especially with so many bodies packed together in the one place. We all know what happens to flesh in such extreme conditions of heat - it swells up, it gets bloated, it expands, what have you. Needless to say, Sheila's finger had swelled up something fierce under the pressure of the too-small ring around it and it began to turn purple. After several attempts by the three of us to extricate the ring, injuring poor Sheila in the process, we decided it was time to bite the bullet and head for the ER.

Thankfully, the ER wasn't too busy and, after an hour of effort and with the aid of the security guards pliers, the nurse attending to Sheila managed to cut through the ring and free her finger from its deathly grip.

I think the whole incident with the ring was almost more enjoyable than feeling like a piece of meat on display at the club. It was also kind of nice having a moment with my friends, a moment I know we won't ever forget. Especially Sheila. Lol.

Music for the Moment: Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow/What a Wonderful World

2010-01-05T19:15:00.000-08:00

So, I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I'm my sister's Maid of Honour. Anyhow, I volunteered to compile her music for her since music is a love of mine.

While searching for wedding/reception appropriate tracks I stumbled on an old love of mine - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's (RIP) medley of Somewhere Over the Rainbow and What a Wonderful World. I first heard this song back in 2000 when I watched the, short-lived, Dawson's Creek spinoff Young Americans (which I happened to really like but, sadly, it was axed after only 8 episodes due to low ratings).

This is probably my favourite version of both songs; no apologies to the purists, since I'm entitled to my own opinion. The Hawaiian influence gives it an easy listening feel, kind of makes you feel like you're lying in a hammock between two palm trees, on a beach, playing a ukelele while staring at the blue, blue sky and blue, blue ocean. Something like that. And when you listen to it, you feel like...well, your troubles will melt like lemon drops. In short, it's a beautiful song.

Fortunately, my sister happens to like this song too and agreed to have it on her track list. Result.

Music for the Moment: Friendly Fires

2010-01-04T21:27:00.000-08:00

I was listening to the Ministry of Sound Chillout Sessions XII and Friendly Fires had a track on it called Paris (Aeroplane Remix), which is my favourite track on the whole album. Anyway, I decided to check out their original stuff and I must say I really like them. I'm trying to move away from listening to too much alternative music (i.e. rock, punk, emo, metal, etc.), and am slowly broadening my horizons, musically speaking. I'm not music savvy enough to tell you who or what they sound like, so I thought I'd just post a youtube link so you can figure it out yourself. I recommend them for some serious Summer music.

Watching teen flicks while on the rag

2010-01-04T06:03:00.000-08:00

The title explains it all.

Yeah, so I got my rags today after being late for about two weeks. Not that I should be worried because it's not like I'm having sex or anything. No one's going to be getting that honour for a very long time. Not until I stop thinking men are bloodsucking scum who have no talent in bed except for the lies a lot of women everywhere, including me, have to feed them. Bitter, much? I think it's the PMS speaking, but that doesn't mean there isn't some truth to it. Still, beneath all the scaly layers of my twice-hardened shell remains a little flicker of faith in the male species. But who knows when it will actually bring anything into fruition?

Anyway, I thought I'd blog 'cause I'm awake and I'm bored. I had what one of my good friends terms a "nanna nap" at around 7pm and now I feel pretty wired. For the past several days I've been obsessed with watching teen movies. Why? I'm not sure. I think I just want to reminisce about the sweet and simple times, especially now I know what a bitch adulthood and adult relationships can be. Positivity isn't a habitual practice of mine, so sue me. At least I'm trying to work on it now rather than cling to the "woe is me, I'm gonna slash my wrists/hang myself/OD" perspective I was sporting for several months last year.

But I digress. The last movie I watched was Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging which, I must admit, was a really good movie (I can't believe Aaron Johnson is marrying someone 23 years older than him! And at only 19 no less. I have to bow down to the skills of the cougar). It's the kind of story that makes you cringe and smile at the same time, kind of like when you think back to your own experiences as a teenager. Yeah, I'm pretty gay for these kinds of things but I don't care. Because I'm my own person, I have my own likes/dislikes, my own personality, my own brain and I don't leech off others or try too hard to look cool to other people. Where's the fun in that?

Ugh. I blame the bleeding. It's like I have tourettes(?) once a month.

Some others I've watched are The Princess Diaries (which I also love, especially because of Robert Schwartzman), 10 Things I Hate About You (another favourite, which made me miss Heath Ledger), Drive Me Crazy (kind of tacky and not a hugely great film, but I still liked it and Adrian Grenier looks like an adorable puppy) and She's The Man (Amanda Bynes is freaking hilarious and can you just say *phwoar* for Channing Tatum!). I might get into the classic John Hughes teen flicks which I watched like an age ago. 16 Candles was always my favourite, followed by Pretty in Pink. Juno and Grease 2 are next on my list.

Oh, and also looking for employment to fund my retail-crack (also known as shopping) addiction.

Goodbye 2009

2009-12-30T20:13:00.000-08:00

Looking back at 2009, it wasn't such a great year for me overall. I can't say it was all bad though, because some pretty good stuff did happen too. Perhaps it's just my outlook on life, I'm not the most positive person at the best of times. I guess 2009 has had its ups and downs, just like every other year, but I'm ready for 2010 to turn everything around for me and for anyone else who hasn't had a great run of things lately.

The recap of key points in my personal life for 2009:

1. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me in April, in the worst most insensitive way possible. He blamed everything on me and took no responsibility for anything, which made me feel like the most horrible person on earth and I ended up hating myself, and him, for a very long time. He then proceeded to act with some level of cruelty, lie and be deceitful for several months after that and threw my efforts at trying to salvage and maintain a positive friendship between us in my face. Now, it seems he has ceased all communication with me which makes me feel crap, but I know it's probably for the best because it means he isn't hurting me with the rubbish he's already been hurling my way these past 8 months and more.

2. I did some regrettable things, involving my ex-boyfriend, mostly because I let his inconsiderate and insensitive actions get to me. This led me to realise that, no matter how well you thought you knew a person, you never really ever know what they are entirely capable of. Especially the bad things.

3. I found out I scored in the top 15% of my university in 2008 and was invited to join the Golden Key Honour Society.

4. After almost 7 years of struggle, and after months of uncertainty, I graduated with Distinction on December 16th.

5. On Christmas Day, my older sister announced her engagement to her partner.

6. My sister told me that she wanted me to be her Maid of Honour, and I accepted.

7. I made the decision to "hibernate" from certain friendships because they were dragging me down deeper into my own depression. I'm not sure whether I went about it the right way, but I think it was a choice that was important for me to make. \

8. I have spent most of this year being bitter and negative, unwilling to really forgive or move on. I make excuses about how I'm too damaged, but I know I'm just too weak to find a way right now.

Well, that's the gist of it, in all its horrible, but sometimes great, glory.

I haven't made any resolutions that I will set in stone. For me, resolutions are an ongoing thing. You make them everyday, and you're always hoping that you'll finally succeed. I know that I am constantly striving to become a better person. I am always trying to find ways that I can stop being so bitter and negative about everything. I want to stop being so dispassionate about life. I want to attract the right people by having the right attitude. I want to let go of the people who don't deserve my love, my friendship or my time. In short, I want to move on to greater things, to better people and to the life that's out there waiting for me, if only I had the motivation to live it.

There's something that my very wise little brother says to me on occasion, especially when I'm down in the dumps and he knows it's because of the ex.

"When you blame others, you take away your ability to change."

I know he says this referring to the ex, but I know it's also true of myself. I blame my ex for the person I've become and I shouldn't. Don't misunderstand me, he did do me wrong in many soul-crushing ways, but everyone has a choice as to whether they let the things other people do to them destroy their life.

2010.

For me it's going to be about accepting that things are the way they are, that there are just some things you cannot control and the only thing to do is to go on. Go on to better things. Transforming myself to accomodate the awesome things that are bound to come my way if only I believe that they will. And I have to start believing that God will help me, if only I would help myself; I know it's a reality because I've seen it happen first hand to the people around me.

Look to the sky and you will see that...

I hope you all have a Happy and Prosperous New Year. Look to the future and know that it is bright.

Love,
Amy

Oh Happy Day!

2009-12-28T00:22:00.000-08:00

This is just a quick update to announce some exciting news. My older sister, the fourth child to my position at fifth, is engaged to be married! Her fiancé proposed on the night of Christmas Eve and she made the announcement the next day before we began our Christmas family festivities. Needless to say, my entire family and I are supremely happy for her, me most of all. After all, I've been reassuring her that it would happen soon and praying that it would. I guess I was spot on.

Oh, and my sister has asked me to be her maid of honour. How awesome is that?

I will be back with a full pictorial of my Christmas soon.

Season's Greetings

2009-12-23T23:10:00.000-08:00

A happy and safe Christmas to all! Blessings to you and your family during this holiday season and into the New Year...

Love,
Amy

Image courtesy of Fybertech

Graduation 2009 + reflections

2009-12-17T00:25:00.000-08:00

Last night was my graduation ceremony, which was held at Etihad Stadium (formerly known as Telstra Dome) in Melbourne city. Apparently, there were over 30,000 people there, of which 5700 were graduating students. Despite the sweltering heat, and a little bit of stress on my part, it was a good night. Outfit was perfect, makeup was good, photos were nice. I managed to walk on stage without tripping over or stumbling, even though my feet were in pain from semi-running in my new high heels prior to the beginning of the festivities. But, most importantly, I received my degree, my dad was there to see me receive it and my three sisters were also there to celebrate my graduation with me. Being physically present at my graduation and being acknowledged for my achievements in front of thousands of people has been a life-changing experience.

I'm only a little sad that James, my ex-boyfriend, was not there to celebrate it with me. Some people tell me I'm a fool for still caring about him, but I do. Personally, I don't believe you can ever stop loving or caring about someone. You can stop being in love with them, but you never stop loving them even if you think you have. I was with James for three years, we had good times and bad times, just like any other couple. I was naive to think that nothing could ever tear us apart, but I know better now. I've done some things I'm not proud of, then and even now. I wish I could say that I'll never make another mistake again, but I can't because that would be lying. I can only keep saying that I'm sorry, and that everyday I am trying to be a better person.

Where we stand, I do not know. He knows how I feel, though I am uncertain of what he is truly thinking. I speak from the heart when I say that, for me, there will never be a time where it's too late. Too much time can never pass, and I will never say no to an opportunity for friendship and reconciliation with anyone. There is not one person who is more right or more wrong, we are all just trying to get on in life as best we can. If we can do that and keep the people we love, and who love us, all around us then it can be so much more beautiful.

I believe that there will be better days for us. Even when hope is dim, it is never extinguished. No matter how discouraged and disappointed we may get, faith lingers. We need to appreciate what we have before we seek more. This is a lesson I've learned the hard way, many times over.

To many, graduation is just another fleeting milestone in life's journey. But, for me, it's given me some perspective, self-confidence and the motivation to keep on holding on for one more day, because the promise of tomorrow is a gift many people are not always fortunate enough to have.

Now, I will stop waxing philosophical and end by saying I am grateful, I am thankful and I know life is only as good as you make it. So that's what I'm going to do. I hope you will do the same.

My new haircut plus t-shirts, shoes and a night of drunken stupidity.

2009-12-11T17:38:00.000-08:00

I got plastered last night. In the safety of my own home, of course, while watching the Harold and Kumar movies. Me and alcohol, we don't mix often these days and there's a reason why. I am what you call a maudlin drunk. I get emotional, sentimental, definitely tearful and then I go do some pretty random and silly things. Needless to say, the ex bore the brunt of all that but I'm sure it doesn't matter since he's practically shut me out of his life anyway and probably didn't read any of my rubbish. If you read this, I'm sorry, I know I'm way above this kind of behaviour. I will be good from now on. My younger brother, who is three years younger than me, sat with me for most of the time. I think, in a way, he was looking after me. He's seen me in a much worse state and I think he worries about me when I get like that. You gotta love brothers.

Anyway, to happier news, I got a haircut yesterday. I am now certain I have found my HG hairdresser. Her name is Ellie and she works at SUI, which is a Korean hair salon situated in Melbourne city. I pay $50AUD for a haircut, which includes a hair wash and some styling. I've only been twice, but my hair has come out looking great each time so I'm sticking to her.

Well, I think I look pretty nice anyway, hehe.

I also went to the new store I talked about in my last post, Pulp Kitchen, and bought a whole bunch of t-shirts for my 2 brothers and older sister as Christmas presents. The t-shirts are usually $38AUD each but, because they just opened, they're having 2 for $60AUD deal going on until tomorrow, which is Sunday.

Here are the t-shirts I got:

They've got a whole bunch of other cool t-shirts with prints of bands, famous people, etc. They also sell fully functional hamburger phones there! I am so tempted to get one so I can use it once I get my own place. I love odd little knick knacks like that.

I was a bad girl and bought another pair of shoes from Nine West. I was going to get the pink version of the high heels I bought in my last post, but then I saw these cute pair of flats and I decided to get them instead. They were on sale from $140AUD to $99AUD I think, so I'm pretty happy about that. This is my endeavour to collect more "grown up" and feminine shoes since most of mine are sneakers.

And that is the end of my shopping ventures for this week. My least interesting buy was a makeup compact from a makeup shop called Szuza in Melbourne Central. The SA recommended one from a brand called DuWop, which I believe is from the U.S. It's called Smoothset and it's really meant to be a primer and setting powder set but, honestly, if you lay the powder on a little thickly it can work as a foundation too. Anyway, I'll see how it works out for me. I just hope it doesn't make me break out, not just days away from graduation pictures anyway.

Pretty feet courtesy of Nine West

2009-12-10T04:11:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday I went to pick up my graduation gown and tickets. My hood is lilac, which I'm very happy about because I love the colour. God, it felt great looking at myself in the mirror with my gown and mortar board on. I guess because it's taken me so long to get to this point, and because this year has been particularly detrimental to my efforts, but I still managed to pull through with decent grades and graduate with distinction. I will go so far as to say that I'm extremely proud of myself. Degrees are a dime a dozen to some people, but I worked hard for this and I think I have the right to some personal pride.

Anyway, after I picked up my stuff I decided to do a little shopping. First stop was the Kit counter at Myer to get a present for my KK. I got her a Glamour on the Go makeup kit from Too Faced and a limited edition Kit cosmetic bag. I hope she likes her gift because she's someone I consider a good friend. I'd take a picture of what I got but it's all wrapped up already, which I guess saves me from having to do it myself, lol.

The piece de la resistance of my shopping endeavours, however, is the new pair of shoes I got from Nine West.

I bought them to wear to my graduation since I do not own a pair of updated-style heels. I think the last decent pair I bought was almost...6-7 years ago. I was going to go to Steve Madden in Melbourne Central, but I got there only to find out it was no longer there. Some other store had taken its place. Oh, but Melbourne Central has this awesome new store called Pulp Kitchen which sells awesome t-shirts and other knick knacks. But more about that in another post (i.e. also known as "after I've purchased several pieces of merchandise from said store").

I'm glad I went into Nine West, though, because I really love these shoes. I have to say, I'm not high-heel friendly. I loathe wearing high heels, even if they do make my legs and feet look hot. Give me sneakers any day. But we must all learn how to grow up and become women one day and, I guess, that entails having to wear high heels sometimes. These are extremely comfortable and the heels are not too high, not too low and feel really stable when I'm walking around. I also think they'd be pretty versatile to wear during different occasions, even to the office during the summer time. This particular style is called Chopin and I bought it in Dark Yello. Nine West are having a sale at the moment so I got them for only $89AUD, which I think is a great bargain on some good quality shoes. They also have a pinky colour available which I'm really tempted to get tomorrow. We'll see how good my willpower is, lol.

Here's more pictures of me wearing my shoes (apologies for the neglected toe nails) and I promise my ankles do not look that thick irl:

Ahhh, pretty shoes always make me feel happy :)

Weekend Retail Therapy

2009-12-07T04:08:00.001-08:00

My weekend was quite nice, barring the clouds of misery that perpetually float above my head no matter how positive I strive to be. I spent it with my favourite sister at her friend's house in Brighton. She's house/dog sitting for them while they're away on a holiday. They have two of the cutest dogs - long-haired daschunds, who totally look like miniature, canine versions of 80s hair metal rockers. One is male and one is female, they're siblings, and they do everything together (and I mean everything!) which I find utterly adorable! They even run in unison and sleep in the same bed. Everybody say "awwwww".

Apart from that, I managed to have a successful shopping experience. I purchased three things which, on my lowly unemployed budget, is plenty.

Firstly, I bought a copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass from Borders. It's a special edition Penguin Classics hardcover copy which is, apparently, exclusive to Borders stores. There are other well-known classic titles available in the series, including Lady Chatterley's Lover, The Hound of the Baskervilles, Little Women, Oliver Twist, etc. I'm thinking that I might build a collection out of these because the books themselves are quite pretty, if pretty could be a word to describe a book. As an example, here's my book:

Each book has it's own colour/pattern combo. Nice, right? Well, I think so anyway. And I think they'd look really good as a decorative, as well as practical, ensemble on my bookshelf. Plus, I love my classics and I can never have too many books, especially pretty looking ones!

Secondly, I found a really sweet-looking white, knit cardigan by a brand called Mink Pink, which I think is Australian.

I've been looking for a more interesting cardigan because all the ones I have are mostly from Cotton On. They're great, but a bit on the blah side because they're pretty basic in all respects. The one I just bought is a bit more feminine than anything else I own, which is a good thing because I've recently decided that I need to add some girly flair to my style now. I've been a tomboy for as long as I can remember, but it's time to stop dressing like a 15 year old boy and start dressing like a lady I think, lol.

Lastly, I bought a dress to wear to my graduation because, YES, I will be graduating from my Management degree this year! I am so glad, I just want to get out there and, hopefully sooner rather than later, start my career now. I'm a bit of a late bloomer because I've been so unfocused for a long time, but better late than never, right? The dress is from a store called Forever New which is an Australian brand. It's supposedly meant to stock "designer" clothing at more reasonable prices. Do I agree with that? Yes, I think that concept has actually been applied in this case. Here is my dress:

It looks much better when you put it on. The material is flowy, so that's why it looks so droopy just hanging there. The only thing I'm sad about is that I had to swallow my pride and buy an AU size 12. Why? Because the size 10 wouldn't fit over my boobs! Luckily there doesn't seem to be much of a difference between the sizes except in the bust area. The dress has a 100% silk lining which is awesome. I think I paid about $100AUD for it, which isn't too bad at all.

So, that's what I was up to on the weekend. I wish I took some pictures of the baby puppies but, unfortunately, I forgot to bring a camera with me. On the emotional front, I think I'm getting worse. Sometimes I wonder whether or not I will actually get past all this. I can only hope that I do. Only time will tell. Sometimes even taking it a day at a time isn't good enough, sometimes I've got to take it an hour at a time. But, anyway, I did feel a little more cheered up over the weekend. I wish my moments of cheerfulness would last longer, that's all.

Week's End.

2009-12-03T19:17:00.000-08:00

Today, the story goes to the city where I will confirm whether I am actually going to graduate on the 16th of December, then to Brighton where I will be spending the weekend with my sister. With her I will indulge in materialistic pursuits, a desperate attempt to block out the silence.

In the immortal words of Lenny Kravitz, "I want to get away, I want to fly away."

Can anyone say 'emo'?

2009-12-03T05:09:00.001-08:00

I've been having a bout of depression lately. Well, you could say it's been around for the last 8 months, but recently it keeps switching between apathy and tears. I don't know what's worse, caring too much or not wanting to care at all. Then there are the days when I feel like murdering someone, but I think it's safe to say I won't be doing that any time soon. Not when the person I want to murder is 2000 miles away, safely tucked away in the covert operations they feel they must create against me. I want to be angry, but it always seems so half-baked. The rage fizzles before it can even begin to ignite. Is this a good sign or a bad one? I'm beginning to feel hollow, like each day is just an act that means nothing. I'm going through the motions, but there isn't actually life actively going on for me.

Everyone says it's going to get better. I'm taking anything anyone says to me with a grain of salt because I can't seem to trust anything anyone says anymore. Putting that much trust in the intentions of that one person, the promises they made of forever and always, only to have all my hopes shattered, destroyed, annihilated...I can't even begin to find the right word to describe the destruction that has been inflicted upon me. All it would have taken was a little courage, a little consideration, a little care...a little humanity. My older brother says it was spineless, I say that is way too euphemistic a word for what it was. Can I forgive and forget? Forgive, maybe. Forget, probably not. Unlikely. I tried to take a positive step forward, extend the olive branch one might say, but what did I get in return? The rug pulled out from under me. It's so fucking cliche to say, but sometimes you're just like "you think you know a person..." and then they go and do all kinds of messed up shit.

Who knows when I'll stop having to vent about this situation. Right now I feel like I've been screwed over way too badly to ever be able to start afresh. Mindfucked beyond all recognition. Pulled apart at the seams and pushed over the edge without a lifesaver. It sickens even me that I'm like this, but I can't seem to stop it. The harder I try to push this all away and move forward, the more it dwells on my mind. I can't sleep or wake up, or even go through an entire day, without this shit eating my brain alive. I even have nightmares about it, or good dreams which make me feel even more shit when I wake up because I know it was all just a farce in a world that no longer exists for me. What is it going to take? I don't even know myself. My tears are a testament to the fact that I am at the end of my road with no way of knowing where else to go. I pray fervently for a second chance, a seemingly stupid idea when I think about it, but I guess I'm desperate. I can't keep a check on my feelings. If I'm going to love somebody, I'm going to. And if I'm going to hate them, then I just am.

Oblivion seems like the only answer, but I'm not brave enough to take that step yet. I think, though, someday soon I might just take the plunge because, as selfish and self-absorbed as it sounds, I can't bear to have to deal with it if everyday is just met with increasing disappointment. You can tell me to see the bigger picture, but you know why? Because you are not where I am. I don't even know where I am. I'm not really here, and I don't want to be. He doesn't want me to be. How can you argue with logic that solid?

Life mortifies me, the air I breathe is my enemy. I'm a muthafucking emo in the truest sense of the word, minus the faux punk costumes and black eyeliner. How did life become so...ironic?

My Ladies

2009-12-01T01:10:00.001-08:00

Today, I thought I'd blog about my cats, Mama and Mama's Girl. They are domestic tortoiseshells.

Mama's Girl is Mama's baby, the only female kitten she had in two litters of four. They are like my own babies, and I treat them as such. I love all animals, but cats will always have a special place in my heart.

Here is Mama, I also call her my Queen and my Lady. She's about 9 years old, and she just showed up on my doorstep one day and has never left. She has the cutest way of drinking water - she uses her paw to scoop up the liquid and then she licks it up all dainty-like. She is also tiny in size and has the tiniest, little girly meow. She really is a little lady!

And this is my Mama's Girl, who I also call my Princess. She was the biggest kitten in her litter, bigger than all the boys. It's no surprise that she grew up to be the biggest tomboy girl cat ever. She's a lot larger than her mom and you could almost mistake her for a smaller male cat. The thing I love about her is that she *talks* - whenever I walk up to her she's always got a meow for me. She's also a bit on the naughty side, but it just makes her even more adorable.

These are two of the special *ladies* in my life.

Music is the answer

2009-11-29T23:38:00.001-08:00

I've decided that I'm going to pick up where I left off and continue piano lessons next year. Well, that's the plan anyway. Playing music lets me express myself without having to speak. I've learnt that talking is futile, in my case. It only generates anger and resentment when I have to constantly listen to the negative things I am experiencing, especially those things I have to suffer at the hands of another person. All it does is make me burn with the need for revenge, and that isn't what I want.

So, music it is then.

Update: Reflections, speculations and house-sitting.

2009-11-17T22:42:00.000-08:00

So, what's been up with me?

For the past week and a half I've been house/dog sitting in Hopper's Crossing, which is about an hour away from where I live (if you take the freeway). Getting there is the easy part, getting home, on the other hand, is a pain in the ass. It's like they decided to use a whole different system of roads and exits on the way back to the Northern suburbs.

It's been pretty uneventful. Since I'm so used to living in a suburban area that is relatively close to the city, being here feels like being in the sticks. I'm used to having my big shopping centres close at hand, and the only thing I've seen within a mile of the house I'm staying at is a Target and a Woolworths. I haven't really explored, considering I'm not familiar with the area, and it's just been too hot to venture out much anyway. We've been having weather in the mid to high 30s, probably in the 40s too, which is abnormal for the month of November in Melbourne. I'm trying to keep my "pallor" going for as long as I can. I know it can't be long.

Anyway, the dog I'm looking after is a Bichon Frise(?), a French breed I believe and pretty obvious from the name. It looks similar to a poodle in some ways, it's got the whole curly hair going on. He is adorable, but I'm fairly certain that his owners didn't try very hard to train him. Thus, he does his 1s and 2s in the house (which I find annoying, since I have to clean up after him frequently), doesn't know his own name nor simple commands (such as "sit" or "stay") and he didn't even know how to use the dog door! That is, until I came along. With a little bit of patience and taking a leaf out of Skinner's conditioning experiments, I've managed to get him to use the dog door. It's a lot easier to get him to come in through it, rather than out, but at least he's made some progress.

I'm actually looking forward to going home right now. It's nice to have a break from the madhouse I call home, but I'm feeling pretty lonely and isolated here which probably isn't a good thing considering my current state of...emotions. My two brothers are off on an adventure in my hometown, Kota Kinabalu, which is in East Malaysia, after not having been back for more than a decade. I wish I was with them because the last time I went back, which was at the end of last year and the beginning of this one, all I could thing about was getting back to Singapore to my then-not-ex boyfriend. Hence, I didn't get to spend as much time with and have as much fun as I could have with all my family there had I been free.

I hate to be cliche, but man does time fly. Although, in bits and parts, it's felt like time was dragging on forever. I can't believe it's almost the end of this year, the end of a lot of things I've been used to for a while now. Some days I still feel like there's no point getting out of bed, but I guess I'm just too short-sighted to see the bigger picture. I think when you're in this state, it's really hard to see past the hours, let alone the days.

I should be grateful. Sad but true, I watched Oprah today (which is not something I usually do, if ever) and the story of the couple who adopted nine special needs children and were murdered in their own home was brought to my attention. I cried about it because I just feel so horrible thinking about the evil things that happen to good people, to people who are trying to make a difference even if it can only be in a small way.

We get complacent and caught up in our own misery and, most of the time, it's not even worth it. There are people out there, struggling every day trying to do what is right and they're happy, so why shouldn't we be? There are people out there being persecuted for doing the right thing and yet they never give up. It really makes you feel selfish when you compare it to your own petty woes. Well, that's how it makes me feel because I know that, in the scheme of things, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my life. I mean, or course everyone has their problems and so do I, but they are not insurmountable. I just have to keep remembering that, or lose my mind trying.

Disconnect

2009-11-05T03:11:00.001-08:00

This will be a somewhat serious post.

Today, I discovered that even though I was with my ex-boyfriend for just over three years, he found it very easy to replace me within a matter of months. Three months, to be exact. The girl he is now dating had also just fallen out of a relationship perhaps about a month before they got together.

For the last seven months, I've somehow entertained the idea that he would miraculously change his mind and give me another chance. As I was the one who was dumped and had my heart broken, the healing process has been extremely slow and, even now, it is still not complete. I am not entirely sure it has even started.

Whatever I've felt for the last several months, which alternated between anger and severe depression, I've always held onto this tiny flame of hope that, just maybe, our relationship could be salvaged. Today, that flame was extinguished permanently.

I've always believed that he was a decent person. There were many things he withheld from me while we were together, many things he lied about. I have to admit, there were also things I kept from him. However, I think everyone is guilty of that at some point. I had hoped that he could at least be honest with me after putting me through all that pain.

But, no.

Today, I realised that, not only has he been lying to me, he has been lying to his new partner. Or, at the very least, has been doing things behind her back. I cried, I raged at the injustice of it all and I even smoked three cigarettes, though I am not a smoker. I promised to end my life, and I told my sister that I saw no point in living anymore. As always, she set me straight.

I've let a person put a value on me when I am priceless. I've let them control me, use me as a psychological punching bag and allowed them to abuse my already battered mind. I let my sadness get in the way of my life.

Though he will crucify me for every mistake I made against him, I know I loved him with everything I had. With all my heart and all my soul. But not today. Today, I found out he was never what I loved. That person was just a ghost and a thought.

Now, I have a personal battle that I must face head on. I must learn to sever all ties I have with him. I must learn to let go of the hurt and pain, let go of the past, and allow myself to heal. For too long, I've lingered in the grey, shadowy valley of my heartbreak, unable to break away.

Today is day I have to make a decision. That decision is to disconnect.

Manicure of the Week: b Collection by Bloom Edinburgh

2009-11-01T04:34:00.000-08:00

Finally, I have something to review! These days, I'm too lazy to pay particular attention to the technical aspects of the products I use, let alone write about them. However, here's something I've been pretty excited about recently. The newly released b Collection by Bloom nail polishes, which are available in selected Target stores across Australia. For more information on the colour range, here's the link to the Target website: http://www.target.com.au/html/whatson/b_collection/index.php

The b Collection polishes are split up into 7 types of holiday destinations. Each colour is named after a capital city somewhere in the world. Within each grouping there are a variety of different colours, however I've noticed the "Romantic Holiday" set is mostly comprised of reds, pinks and neutrals. I guess the concept is that for whatever type of holiday you're planning, there's a perfect set of colours to match (even if you're not actually going to any of the destinations the polishes are named for).

So far, I've purchased three colours from three different groupings. They are Mykonos, Adelaide (my favourite) and, the star of this post, Edinburgh.

Edinburgh is from the "Culture Lovers Holiday" set and is described as a metallic, myrtle green. I don't exactly know the green that myrtle is, so I looked it up and one definition said it's a "rich pure green of full chroma but low luminosity". Personally, Edinburgh looks like a metallic, dark forest green with very fine shimmer. But I'm not a very colour-literate person. For me green is green, red is red and blue is blue. None of that " no it's not blue, it's cerulean!" nonsense for me.

Without further ado, here are the pictures. Sorry for the bad manicure, I was in a rush to get it on and made so many boos boos but had no time to fix them up later.

Taken under full sunlight

Taken outside, under the shade

As far as I know, these polishes are toulene-free but they do contain formaldehyde. Don't take my word for it, I'm just going by what I remember from reading the ingredient list while I was at the store. I am quite impressed with the quality, although they're not exactly dirt cheap at $14.95AUD a bottle. I guess they're on the cheaper end of the scale compared to other good quality nail polishes though. Edinburgh was a little on the thick and runny side, but it applied fairly easily. You can get away with 1 or 2 coats depending on how heavily you lay it on, but I always do three thin coats out of habit. You definitely need to use a base coat with this particular colour, otherwise it's stain-central. These take a while to dry if you don't use a fast drying top coat and remain dentable for some time even after applying one, so you need to be patient. The lasting power is average, around 3-4 days, but I do use my hands a lot and I'm not exactly gentle on my nails.

Personally, I really like these polishes and I love the fact that they come in a pretty big range of colours and finishes. There are several more I'd like to get my paws on, namely Osaka and San Francisco. I highly recommend these to anyone who can get their hands on them.

Stay tuned for Mykonos and Adelaide (and any other colours I will probably purchase over the course of time).

Eclectic Ramblings

Tennis, premenstrual blues and perhaps throwing caution to the wind?

I want a coooooooool rider...d'oh!

Money can't buy me love...but it sure as hell makes me feel better!

2012: Starting on a bit of a low

Lace me up, MIISHKA!

A double-edged sword

The randomness of being random

Shoes, glorious shoes, what more could you ask for...?

Lovin' me some Nude shoes

Eclectic ramblings, anyone?

Hello, stranger...

A new hobby

When confusion reigns

Weight loss update: 4-months

Happy Easter

Relief

Lost because I want to be lost, don't try to find me

What is love?

It's just a phase and I'm waiting for it to be over...

Week's end blues

Fighting fit

Combating work blues with TheNebulousKingdom

True love never dies

Babies, Showers & Pretty Bowers

Shakespeare, baggage and corsetry...

Mad for tennis: Australian Open 2011

Australians all let us rejoice, for we are young and free...

Current obsession: Vintage teacups

Crochet, chocolates, ballet and weight loss...

Fascination with amigurumi + Little Big Planet's Sackboy

Inspired by Tchaikovsky, op. 20

We are not who you think we are, we are golden...

I've had the time of my life and I owe it all to you...

Shame on you, seducing everyone...

Lorna Jane, I love you + starting the Lemon Detox Diet

I'm digging you, I'm feeling you, and you know what's up

Points to ponder

They will not control us, we will be victorious. So come on!

The Ex-Factor

And I said, hey, what's going on?

Weekend Whimsy

Musical Blast from the Past: That Ain't Bad - Ratcat

This is a MooGoo announcement.

We interrupt you with a broadcast from the elusive author of Eclectic Ramblings

Thought for the Day: Etsy.com - Kukubee

Back from obscurity + sharing with pictures

Thought for the Day: May 26 2010 - Finding my religion and, maybe, love again

Music for the Moment - Blast from the Past: More Than Words by Extreme

Thought for the Day: May 3 2010 - WoW it's Children's Week!

Thought for the Day: April 30 2010 - Shoe Fetish

Thought of the Day: 29 April 2010 - We Are Family photos

Thought for the Day: 28 April 2010 - On being contrary

Thought for the Day: 27 April 2010

Thought for the Day: 26 April 2010

Thought for the Day: 25 April 2010 - "Lest we forget."

To you.

Thought for the Day: April 23 2010

Thought for the Day: April 22 2010

Thought for the Day: April 21 2010

Thought for the Day: April 20 2010

Thought for the Day: April 19 2010

Thought for the Day: April 18 2010

Warm Weekend

Music for the Moment: The Temper Trap - Love Lost

Easter Weekend photos and stuff

So, what's up with me?

"The Rocker Girl" faux leather jacket from Dainty Little Blog Shop

And the search goes on and on.

NOTD: OPI Tickle My France-y

Waiting on Mr. Postman and other miscellaneous things

More job applications and thoughts on my personal process

Job apps, girl-crushes and shoot 'em up games...

Song for the moment: Set Adrift on Memory Bliss by P.M. Dawn (1991)

This and that

Rant: Grey's Anatomy and the Teddy *issue*

New Obsession: Grey's Anatomy and Major McManly

Restaurant Review: +39 Pizzeria & Degustation

Death: Do you have the right to choose?

The summer is fading, January is ending...

Rant: Grey's Anatomy and the Teddy issue