2012: Starting on a bit of a low

First post of 2012.

I've been pretty lazy when it comes to blogging. I always start a new entry, save it to Drafts because I suddenly get caught up with something else, and then I forget about it for months. That's life, eh?

What's been going on? Well, I guess the most obvious thing that's happened is that the new year has finally arrived - and I expect better things from it. Although from the way things have gone already, I'm not that hopeful any more. Still, the idealistic side of me tries to keep up a positive attitude. It's either that, or fall into despair and that's just unacceptable. 

One thing that won't be repeated from 2011, hopefully, is the way I develop relationships with the opposite sex. Currently, I'm involved with a person having used those now-abandoned techniques, and for the umpteenth time it's not turning out too well - according to me, anyway. This started in December, and it is now only mid-January, so I guess you could say I haven't given it enough time or even enough of a chance to go somewhere real. I feel the need to cut it off and run before I get disappointed, but at the same time I want to see where it might go. However, my need for self-preservation is almost always the dominant part of my nature these days, to the point of cruelty I'm sad to admit. We shall just have to see what happens, because only time can tell. 

In other news...not much to say. Nothing has really changed around here. Except, perhaps, that 2011 has made me even more hardened than I thought I could possibly me. Still completely emotionally chaotic, and yet terribly apathetic at the same time. Not a very good omen for things to come, I have to say. But perhaps things will change as the year progresses. In reality, there are so many good things to look forward to, but it seems the negatives always bear heavier on your mind than the positives. I suppose that's the way it's always been. 

All I'm really asking for is that I won't be singing the blues for the entirety of 2012. And I'm not even sure why I should, because all the hurt of the past few years has all but disappeared. What's left is this kind of emptiness...which, I guess, represents another kind of pain. I don't know. It's hard for me to feel anything properly any more, it's almost like I only get involved in things so that I CAN feel something instead of nothing. 

And that's it. A pretty emo start, I know. Let's hope that as the days roll along, we'll start seeing a bit of cheerfulness seep into this jaded outlook of mine.

Peace.